Seeing Past the Drama
by MilitzaG
Summary: Besties don’t ditch. What happens when Alice refuses to leave with The Cullens in New Moon? Alice stays to help Bella cope with Edward's decision to leave and eventually her own change.
1. He can't be serious

APOV

I stared at my drawing in disbelief. A sobbing Bella at our front door. I could not believe he was going to do this to Bella, to us.

I could see him taking her to the woods, telling her horrible lies, something like "I don't love you," or some nonsense like that. I couldn't make it out because he kept changing his mind on how he would say it to her. In three days he's going to destroy Bella's world.

_Fuck that. Best friends don't let asshole boyfriends break their best friend's heart. _

I flitted downstairs knowing Edward would be there soon. I could hear Esme in the kitchen with Carlisle and Rose was with Emmett in the living room. Jasper had a sorry expression on his face. His future kept flashing like a cut movie in my head with all his indecisiveness. But, I couldn't let that get to me. When he made up his mind, I would know. For now, all I knew was that Edward was going to walk in that door in forty-seven seconds.

_Hello, Edward. It's time to meet Angry Alice._

Edward walked in and scanned the room, obviously looking for Carlisle. He finally saw me sitting on the bottom of the stairs. I stood up so that I was eye level with him and I just stared him down for a minute. He had to know what I was pissed about, I mean, I may be psychic, but he could read minds.

"Edward, would you like to explain to me what the hell you plan on doing?" He stared back at me confused for a second but then recognition flashed across his face.

"Alice, I don't want to talk to you about this. I need to find Carlisle," he began but I held my hand up to stop him.

"Don't you think she has a say, Edward? How could you even entertain the notion that you could just pick us all up and move? And leave her behind at that?! Aren't you even aware of what this will do to her?"

I stared at him, pleading for him to See what I See. _Bella sobbing... Bella wanting to kill herself... Bella just empty. Then him, broken and miserable in dark alleys._ At some point I couldn't see him at all. I let the visions pass through my mind and I could see Jasper take a step back from Edward just before he growled.

"NO Alice! Don't you see? She's like that because of me! If I had just let her be, she wouldn't be in this situation period. We're leaving. I don't care how it kills me inside. She'll forget me. She'll move on and live the life she deserves to have. I won't let her life be taken away because of me."

"How quickly you doubt the strength of her love for you, Edward. She won't forget. It will tear her apart inside every day that you are gone. It will break her. "

"Enough, Alice. We're leaving tom…"

I cut him off mid sentence. "No, Edward. You're leaving. I'm staying here with Bella."

Edward's mouth dropped open but he regained composure quickly. I heard Esme gasp from the next room.

"Don't be ridiculous, Alice. How are you supposed to stay behind? Besides, you'll be putting her in constant danger," he said as he took a quick glance at Jasper.

"Please, brother dear. Jasper is the last person Bella has to worry about hurting her. When it comes to you on the other hand… well..." I shrugged my shoulder at him and watched as his eyes narrowed to slits. I could see Jasper putting his hands on his head as if he had a headache and watched Edward walk towards me.

His voice was low and his words deliberate when he said, "What does that mean? I would never harm Bella, I love her!"

"Riiiiiight, and that's why you still plan on ditching her in the woods and making your family move so we can live in another podunk town because you don't have the balls to be an adult here and tell her the truth! Besides, you may never _harm _her but I KNOW you're going to _hurt _her plenty." I rolled my eyes as I started walking away.

"I'M NOT DITCHING HER I'M PROTECTING HER!" Edward bellowed as he fell to his knees. It killed me to see my brother like that but he was wrong and I refused to go along with his tantrum.

"Whatever gives you peace, Edward. I'm going to make some arrangements since the rest of the family is… taking an extended leave of absence."

Esme stepped out from behind Edward and came towards me with pain all over her face.

"Alice… sweetheart, please. You're not serious are you? I don't think I can bear losing two daughters at the same time." Esme looked up, well down in my case, and damn it all I hate that I put that hurt in her eyes but, enough is enough. Edward is not taking me down 'emo-freaking-way.' He wants to go and make everyone go along with his stupid plan, fine. Spare me. Bella needs her best friend.

"Esme, I am _not_ your daughter and you are not going to guilt trip me into going with you! I made the decision to be with this family and I'll make the decision whether I stay or go, and I'm staying, regardless if it's alone!"

"Alice. But I want all my children…"

"See, that's the thing, Esme, we're not children. Although, some of us seem to behave otherwise," I said, glaring in Edward's direction. He didn't even look my way as he seemed distracted by Jasper moving around upstairs. _Funny, I didn't even notice Jasper leaving the room. _

"I make my own decisions and I decide I'm staying. You can support me or not."

As I waited for Esme to respond, who looked like I had just smacked her, I saw Jasper storm down the stairs and Edward grab him by the shirtsleeve. Then it flashed before me. _He's leaving. Jasper is going to Denali. _

"I'm sorry, Alice. I have my phone."

He ran out the door without even saying goodbye.

_Well shit. Guess I'm going to need my best friend, too._

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MilitzaG


	2. Stuck in a moment You can't get out of

Disclaimer: I own nothing but I'd love Edward to own me

AN: So many thanks to those of you who alerted this story. This is really new for me so thanks for the encouragement!

To my kick ass beta changedbyedward Love you H&R

Check out her story Ascension. It's a bitchin' alternate BD with awesome romance and epic battles

This chapter has a few lines from the breakup scene in NM

Now on to the story…

BPOV

"Arg I just want it to shut up!" I yelled as I slapped at the stereo trying to stop the offensive music coming out of it before it made my ears bleed or make me cry…again.

It's been one month and three days (not that I'm counting) since he left me. I can't even say his name out loud in my head. How pathetic is that?

Alice had a vision of me ripping out the stereo earlier that week so she came and set the presets either on talk radio or obscure music so I wouldn't hear anything that reminded me of him. So, when "My Immortal" by Evanescence started playing by request on one of the talk shows, my hands starting shaking.

So here I sit on the side of the road trying to maintain what's left of my sanity. Trying not to let the hurt overpower me or I'll never make it to school.

"_You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"_

"_As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me._

No, no, no, this is NOT happening right now. For about a week I would have like a time lapse moment where it was like I was right there with him again. It would flash in front of me like my mind was on rewind but there's no way to stop it. No changing it. No erase button so I can start all over again.

I tried slowing down my breathing like Alice taught me for when I was having one of these episodes. I tried to relax but it was too late. I was already there.

"_You…don't…want me?" _I could see us, standing there in the woods. I stood there, confusion and anger on my face. He stood there, his eyes different, harder- like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"_No." _

"_Well that changes things." _I saw myself reply. I wish I could jump in there. Stop this from happening. Make him stay and talk to me. But I was a prisoner. All I could do was watch as my heart tore open in anguish once again.

"_I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said._

I saw something flash across his face when I heard myself say, _"Anything,"_ with conviction. I would love to think it was him regretting what he was doing as he saw me there breaking to pieces in front of him but I remember his eyes becoming soft, the ice melting_._

"_Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"_

I'm trying to close my eyes again because this part always pisses me off. There he goes again constantly questioning my intelligence. I wish I would have yelled at him or said something like, "Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle." Anything to not look so helpless.

I opened my eyes and damn it to hell, I'm still freaking here, only thankfully, I didn't have to see Edward leave this time. I saw myself running to their house tripping and crying for Alice the whole way there.

"_ALICE! ALICE! PLEASE BE HERE! God don't tell me you've left me too! He said he stayed to say goodbye, everyone's gone. It's not true! It can't be. I can't…" _I saw myself crash into the front door and just crumble onto the floor no longer having the energy or will to hold myself up.

It was only a moment before I saw my light fly out of the woods. Even though it sucks I always like that part. Alice found me. She stayed. She loved me enough to stay behind.

"_Bella, open your eyes I know you can hear me already."_

_I see myself look up at two big amber eyes and breath, "Alice," as I wrapped my arms around her, seeking comfort in her cold embrace._

"_He's gone, Alice! He left... He said… no one stayed…" I sobbed, choking on my words and rocking back and forth while she stroked my hair._

"_Shhh, Bella, I know. You KNOW I know." She laughed a little trying to make me calm down. "Breathe. In. Out. That's it. I'm here and no I'm not leaving. I was just getting human stuff."_

As I'm sitting here wondering how much more I was going to see, a tapping sound snapped me out of it.

I turned my head to the passenger's side of my truck and I see Alice looking highly annoyed and tapping at my window.I opened the cab door and Alice slinked herself next to me.

"You know we're late, like really late, for school right?" Alice stated as I pulled the truck off the side of the road.

"Yeah, I know, I um, had a moment." I turned red, as usual, as Alice waved her hand.

"It's okay. Now we can have a sick day and go shopping to chase the memories away," she said with the hugest smile on her face.

I made, what I hoped could pass for a smile and Alice scooted over to hug me. I sniffed a little into her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner. I was stuck in homeroom when I Saw what was happening. I'm sorry I didn't get here before you went back." She hugged me a little tighter and sat back in her seat.

"Okay, so do we need to keep to the state or could we jump around a bit? They opened a new Dolce and Gabbana store on Rodeo Drive and Louis Vuitton is having a fabulous sale." Alice practically sang the praises of the shopping Gods.

"As long as we're here before Charlie gets home. I don't want to give him another reason to freak out." Really, I hated shopping and I would probably regret this as soon as it was Alice who was driving but after all we've been through, how could I deny my best friend?

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	3. You Found Me

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but this stained Rage Against the Machine shirt that Alice would highly disapprove of.**_

_**Thanks to those of you who alerted the story but reviewing is good too ;P**_

_**Many thanks to my kick ass beta changedbyedward who as always rocks my world! Heart you BB!**_

_**Now on to the story…**_

APOV

I seethed as I pushed my car faster. I'm late I'm fucking late. Damn those pretty Jimmy Choo's for distracting me from my main objective. Plan 'Screw Edward and Save Bella' was well underway and I was supposed to beat her to the house. Unfortunately, luck was on Edward's side and the damn sparkly footwear threw me off my time.

I could already see Bella running thru the woods towards the empty house. I could only hope she was exhausted enough to stay put until I got there.

_I can't believe the bastard went through with it._

I thought bombarding Edward with visions of what could happen might change his mind. It only strengthened his resolve. He told me my visions were subjective. Of all the times to pull that gem out, that was when he chose to, when he, of all people, knew they only change if the person changes their mind.

He didn't, so I stayed.

I left the car in the entrance of the driveway and ran through some trees in the front of the house. I could see her on the floor so I flitted to her side.

"Bella, open your eyes. I know you can hear me already." She opened her eyes and wrapped her arms around me.

"Alice! He's gone, Alice! He left... He said… no one stayed…" she coughed and hiccupped and in that moment, I just wanted to rip Edward to shreds. How could he leave her here broken and just go? They left recently, too, because I could still smell them in the air.

"Shhh, Bella, I know. You KNOW I know." I laughed a little to hide the stab that just pierced through me. _Bella not eating, not sleeping, and when she did get to sleep she would awaken screaming with nightmares._ I rocked her back and forth trying to calm her down.

"Breathe. In. Out. That's it. I'm here and no, I'm not leaving. I was just getting human stuff."

"But, Alice, he said..." She opened her eyes wide imploring me to understand. But I knew. Edward left, and the whole Cullen family skedaddled with them. It was as if they were telling her she wasn't good enough for our world.

"I know, Bella. I tried to change his mind but he said he's protecting you. Because he like, knows better, right?" I added sarcastically.

"But, why would he say everyone left? Did he not want me around so much that he'd take away my friends? You?" She looked so hurt already but I told her the truth. I was never going to lie to Bella again.

"Because he lied, Bella. Everyone else left, but he knew I stayed. I had a vision a few days ago and we got into it – bad. So I stayed. I got Carlisle to call the school. He told them he had pressing matters to attend to and I just begged to stay here because I couldn't be torn away from my best friend. So, he asked Charlie how he felt about me staying and of course I Saw no problem with that so… Dum Dum -Da Dum! I'll be staying with you, roomie!" I hugged Bella and brought her back to eye level. "Bella, I know this is hard to understand and I'm not going to sit here and say something generic like everything is going to be okay. Some days will be good and other days not so much. All I am really sure of is, I'm here, no reserves, entirely for you. No matter how hard or easy this is going to be, I'll be by your side. Your hurt is my hurt; your tears are my tears. My Visa is your Visa." I hugged her again as tight as I could without hurting her. "_This will not break her_," I promised myself. No matter what I had to do, she would survive this. I shook the images of the months to come out of my mind, determined to change them, and held out my hand to help Bella stand.

"Alright let's clean you up. I've got a sweater that same color. You can change and we'll go home."

BPOV

_I can't believe she's here._ _My whole world feels like it's breaking from under me, but she's right here holding on to what little of me is left._ I felt nothing on the car ride to my house. I stayed outside while Alice got me a change of clothes. She grabbed all the bags from whatever dozen stores she had bought out and hauled them to my truck. She drove because I couldn't even see in front of me, let alone the road, and I sat there waiting to get to my house as the silence grew louder in the cab.

"Bella, he didn't mean it you know. You have to know he was lying to you. That's why we fought. Because I knew what he was going to do and then when Jasper left…"

"Alice, where'd he go? I'm so sorry! I hope you guys didn't break up over this. I mean, it's not worth it!" I couldn't believe he left, too! What was it with the Cullen Boys and running away?

"Bella, really, shut up. He didn't break up with me, silly. He's just taking a little time to himself in Denali. Jasper will be back soon, hon, I promise."

"But he won't be, will he? He's not coming back for me or to stay with me." I looked over at Alice who seemed to be concentrating really hard. We pulled up to the house and got out. I waited for Alice to say something, even if it was no, but she just flitted to the door to listen for Charlie.

"He's still up," she whispered. "We'll need to be quiet and- no wait, Bells, you run upstairs and I'll head off Charlie and make some alone time. I'll see you upstairs in a few and you'll be hungry so hurry up. I'll bring the bags in." She went in before me and I ran straight up the stairs into my room. I grabbed my bathroom bag in a daze, not wanting to look around because all I could see were flashes of him leaning in the corner, on my bed, looking around my bookcase, and I could feel the sobs choking me, so I ran for the bathroom.

I stared at my face in the mirror. I stared so long the image turned into a blur so I decided to turn the shower on full blast and step into the heat, not caring if it burned because at that point, I couldn't hurt more than I already did. I stood with my head directly under the stream of water, letting myself drown in the water for a moment

I wanted him with me. This wasn't right. It felt like my chest was being torn apart. I could hear myself start to pant and just let myself go. I laid myself across the bottom of the tub and my body was racked with the grief that consumed me. He left even after Alice told him what would happen. He didn't give a shit and he left anyway. I wasn't good enough for his world. Even the family left with him except for Alice, but then again, she didn't seem to be one to go with the bandwagon. She's the only one who cared enough to stay and in a way, they left her behind too. So, I cried some more. For myself and for Alice staying because even for all her visions, she was just as lost as I was right now. I cried because I knew this wasn't going to be the last time I was going to let this pain overtake me. The water started running cold and I knew Alice was in the other room so I got up because that was enough for now knowing she would be here for me. I dried up, brushed my teeth and hair, and made my way to my room. My stomach growled but I ignored it. I was too wound up to eat anything. I walked into my room and Alice had done a number in there. She had set up a little cot off to the side of the wall to give the appearance that she actually slept and a collapsible closet filled with so many clothes I thought it would break.

"Whose are those?" I asked Alice, who looked at me in mock horror.

"Isabella Swan, those are yours. That portable closet is a perfectly unacceptable place for them but until we overhaul yours, it will have to do." She shivered and looked towards my closet.

"Alice, are you going to try to distract me by playing dress up?" I said, looking over at the tiny pixie on my bed.

"Bella, come here. Sit. I brought you a sandwich. Okay, I'm not trying to distract you, I mean maybe a little, but I really can't tell you if Edward will be back. He keeps changing his mind so it just goes from one extreme to another, because Edward's theatric like that." She shrugged her shoulders at that and handed me the plate, which I just set down on the nightstand because really, after this night my stomach was too much of a fist to get something to sit in it.

"Alice, I don't know what I would do without you here. He said I'd forget. I don't want to forget! I don't want him gone! Why can't he just stay?!" I started sobbing again even though I told myself not to and Alice started rubbing my back.

"Bella, it's going to be okay. I promise, no matter what, I'll be here, so no matter how broken you might feel, I'll try my best to put you back together. I won't let you lose yourself. Now eat up and get some rest. We have a lot of work to do in this room!"

I laid up against Alice, rested my head against her shoulder, and took a deep breath. I didn't know what the next days would bring but at least I didn't have to face them alone.

"Alice, thank you, for finding me."

"Always, sis. Now sleep."

I closed my eyes and laid there silently in the quiet, waiting for sleep to consume me.

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_**M**_


	4. Listen

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing I just want to play_**

**_AN: SO whattya guys think so far? I'd really like to know... Many thanks to my kick ass beta changedbyedward LY H&R_**

**_Now on with the story...  
_**

BPOV

Alice chatted excitedly beside me as I drove towards her house so we could pick up her car. She had told me that 'grand-daddy pickup' was not going to get us back home in time so we had to take hers. "Oh, Bella, we're going to find the cutest outfits and I don't care what you say, that Christian Dior dress is going to look fabulous on you!"

"So? It's not like I have anyone to look forward to sporting it for," I mumbled. Alice shot me one of her 'don't go there' looks and sighed.

"Bells. Do. Not. Kill. The. Shopping. Buzz. And besides, screw Ed…" I shot her my own 'don't go there' look, "him, he doesn't know what he wants to do." She giggled before continuing, "I noticed Mike was making smooch faces at you."

"You have GOT to be kidding me! Mike? _Mike?_ Of all people, Alice, I swear if you try to hook me up with him, I'll jump off the cliff at La Push Reservation! I don't want Mike, or Tyler, or anyone. The only person I want is too busy rejecting me to notice I'm alive!" I pulled up in front of the Cullen house and already I could feel the hole in my heart opening up. I could see him and smell him even though he had been gone a little over a month. I waited in the front, not trusting myself to go into the house with Alice while she got her keys. I looked around and everything looked the same. Nothing around me had changed except me. Half of me was gone and I had a nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time. Alice came out with a blank look on her face and walked towards me.

"Bella, are you okay? What's on your mind?"

"Alice, it'll just be the same conversation we've been having for a month. I'm not going to keep beating a dead horse. Let's just get to the shops before I change my mind." Alice looked off to the distance and I knew that gleam in her eye.

"Damn it, Bella, you're serious! Fine, let's go then. Mama needs a new Prada purse!" She ran towards the garage and out roared her car. I hopped into the passenger's side and buckled up because Alice was no joke driving. Alice chatted away merrily about what we were going to buy and how cute we were going to look as I nodded at all the appropriate moments and smiled, but I was in my own world where all I could feel was the hurt. I looked out the window as the scenery zoomed by and I just wanted to close my eyes and feel anything besides the ache. I knew the only reason Alice wanted to go shopping was that all of my clothes were too loose. I couldn't keep anything down. I just didn't want anything.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you okay? You look even paler than usual. Am I going too fast?"

"No, Alice, I'm just thinking. You know... I can't… it's just…" I stopped talking because I knew where it was going to lead and I didn't want to hurt Alice's feelings.

"I'm fine, Alice, really. Just let me collect myself." I smiled to reassure her that I wasn't going to jump out of the car. Then I thought. _What if I did jump out?_ So much for my promise, but he broke all of his promises, so what did it matter? For weeks, I'd been teetering between numbness and unbearable grief. I couldn't sleep because he wasn't beside me. I didn't read because the words were meaningless. I didn't listen to music because it tore my heart every time I tried. I was a void.

Alice kept talking about how we needed to punch it because we'd never make it back in time and as the scenery started moving faster, so did my heart . Adrenaline raced through my veins as I stared out the window. My breath hitched when my hand involuntarily found its way to the door handle. My mind raced through the last few weeks and I couldn't help but feel hollow. I realized that the hurt was deeper than I thought it was. I risked a look at Alice, who was staring at the road, and I tightened my grip on the handle. I had a fleeting thought that it couldn't hurt as much as the past month had, so I leaned my weight against the car door, closed my eyes, and started to pull the handle towards myself. Suddenly it was as though someone had turned on the lights in an abandoned house.

"_Bella, stop it right now!"_

I jerked my hand back and held back a scream. I didn't even have time to process what had happened when Alice slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to a screeching halt on the side of the road. "Bella, what the hell are you doing?!" she yelled, glaring at me. "I refuse to even believe what I just saw! What were you thinking, Isabella!?"

Hearing Alice use my full name snapped me from my daydream. _Could it be?_ "Alice, I wasn't, I mean the thought crossed my mind but, I wouldn't really. Oh, Alice, I don't want this pain anymore!" I started sobbing and Alice pulled me close to her. I pulled myself away and wiped my tears. _I'm so tired of crying!_ Alice looked taken aback, but she gave me my space and pulled back onto the road. We drove in silence the rest of the way, my mind still trying to deal with what I had just experienced.

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_**M  
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	5. Let's start Today

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing but Man I want Edward to own me..._**

**_AN: Props to my super awesome beta changedbyedward for helping me sound more eloquent and shit..._**

**_My story pimp is A Lesson In Release and it's in progress sequel, A Lesson In Fate by Lillie Cullen _**

**_If you haven't read it GO right now ALIR was actually the first FF I ever read and since then I've been hooked!_**

**_Enough rambling, On to the story...  
_**

APOV

"Relax, Esme, she's asleep. Yes, this is EVERY night. I don't know how Charlie has been able to sleep through it. No, she just mumbles and then it's this heart wrenching screaming right after that. Um, I could really give a shit if Edward is having a time, Esme. He's the one who made the choice to leave!"

I sat in the corner of the room watching Bella tangle herself in her sheets from her recent nightmare while I listened to Esme tell me about Edward's recent conniption. Although I felt bad for him, he had created the situation himself, so he just needed to deal with it. At that point, all I was worried about was helping Bella calm down.

"He just sits there, Alice. He doesn't play the piano or go hunting with us. He just sits in his room and …well nothing. I'm so worried," Esme complained into the phone. I rolled my eyes.

"Really? Would you like to know what is going on over here? Bella doesn't eat or sleep. She needs to do those things, you know? She doesn't read or listen to music. She can't even say Edward's stupid, sissy name out loud without hyperventilating. You know what happened last week? She almost jumped out of a car. A moving car. On the highway. And it happened so fast I didn't even have a vision of it until it was almost too late! So, um, excuse me for not feeling bad for Assward over there. Tell him what I said, too. I know he can hear me. I just want you to repeat it to him. Maybe he'll grow a pair."

I glanced over at Bella as the sobs began. That was usually an indication that the part of the dream where Edward left her was imminent. I hated seeing her like that. I wished I could just transfer all of her pain to me, even for a little while, so she could just sleep. Nothing I was doing was helping her and I just didn't know what else to do. I focused my attention back on Esme, who was scolding Emmett for laughing when I dubbed our brother 'Assward.'

"Really, Emmett, it's not funny. Alice, darling, are you still there? I can't believe she would even consider doing that. Maybe you should take her to see a doctor and try to get her some help."

"And tell them what? Hi! This is my best friend. She was dating my brother, who left her a couple of months ago. She's gone damn near catatonic. Oh, and did I mention that my brother is a vampire and the reason he left so abruptly is because my boyfriend, who is also a vampire, tried to attack her at her birthday party and drain her dry? Yeah, so being the 'responsible' person, vampire, whatever, that he is, he decided to leave her to 'save' her, as he puts it. Now she is in an ever-deepening depression that is slowly, but surely, killing her. Oh yeah, and I'm a vampire, too, by the way. Yeah, that's going to work. They'll commit us both. Sorry, been there, don't remember too much, but I'm sure that it's not good. What's your next suggestion?" I heard crickets on the other end so I gathered that I had made my point.

After a long silence, Esme said, "Alice, you don't need to be sarcastic. This is hard for both of them. I'm sure that for Bella it must be more intense, but they're both breaking over this. Alice, you don't see this getting better, do you? Like, maybe, Edward making a decision to come back?" Hope was ringing in Esme's voice as she finished.

"Do you really think I would be calling if I saw any improvement in the near future? All I see is Bella getting worse. She is going to fake her way through life, all the while thinking that Edward left her because he never loved her. I told her that Edward lied but she doesn't believe me. She still thinks that he really never did love her and that's just shitty. I hope he does feel bad. Ask me if I care. Why don't you all just come home? Forget this nonsense. If you care about Bella so much, just come home. Don't continue to give in to Edward's stupid choice. If you all come home, I might be able to see new possibilities. If he's so determined to go through with this, let him do it on his own."

I waited for Esme's answer, although I already knew what it was because my visions didn't change. Damn it! I had hoped she would listen to reason and make a decision on her own for once, but no dice.

"Alice, for all intents and purposes, Edward is my son. I can't just abandon him when he is so clearly suffering. He needs to make his own choice to go back. I can't force him. I know this sounds silly to you, but I will support him in his decision because that's what family does. They support each other. Just as I supported your decision to stay, I support his to leave. I will not choose sides. I love all of you equally, despite what you may think of me."

That was just great. Instead of feeling better, I felt like an asshole. I never meant for Esme to think I thought less of her for going along with Edward. I just wanted her to see that he had made an enormous mistake.

Bella's sobbing was picking up and she thrashed around on her bed.

I kept getting flashes of Edward's decision-making process. He didn't know if he should come back or leave the family and go it alone. I knew he missed Bella, but I just couldn't understand why he wouldn't swallow his pride and come back. They were both hurting without the other. If he would only come back and see her, talk to her, be honest with her, and tell her the real reasons why he left, Bella would get better. She would be healthy again. They could both be happy. Together. As it should be.

"Esme, I don't want to hurt your feelings and I don't think any less of you for going. I just don't understand Edward. He is suffering and he knows that she is suffering, so why not just spare us all the drama of this whole situation and come home."

"I don't think it's that simple for him. He's convinced she'll forget about him. He's determined to let her live her life. He doesn't want to take her humanity from her."

"Oh, so he wants her to have normal. Like, Mike Newton normal?" I heard a growl on the other end of the phone and knew full well it wasn't Esme growling. "No! Tell him to back the fuck off! He can't leave her under the pretense that she 'needs normal' and then get pissed when the chance comes up. That's it! She needs to see that she's not some last place consolation prize. I'm going to throw a party, invite all of our student body, and we're going to celebrate! I know she hates parties, but if she sees there are people around her who care, maybe it will bring a little bit of Bella back."

I concentrated to see if it was a good idea. I saw the party being "The Affair" to attend and the theme a brilliant success. I would use 'The Roaring Twenties' as the theme and from food to formal wear, the party was going to be 'the shiz.' I could see Bella smiling as one of the boys in our class attempted to get her to dance. That was all the encouragement I needed to push the party forward. All I needed was a place to have it. "Hey, Esme, would I be able to use the house? I'll clean up and all, I mean, technically it's still ours, right?"

"Mary Alice, you need not even ask! That is your house as much as it's mine. Have fun, throw your party. Make our Bella smile. I can't speak for Edward but I know we all miss her dearly. Can you tell her that? That I never stopped caring. I just need to be here for him, just like you're there for her. I miss you too, Alice. I hope your party is a booming success. What's the theme, if you don't mind me asking?" I smiled into the phone. Despite all the drama, I missed my family, even Assward.

"The theme is The Roaring Twenties. We're going to rouge our knees and pull our stockings down and all that jazz." Esme laughed at my Chicago homage.

"Oh, honey, how appropriate! Call me if you need anything. It's quiet now. Is she ok?" I looked over at Bella, who had finally calmed down enough to catch about an hour of sleep before we needed to get ready for school. I closed my eyes and saw that it was not going to be a good day. _Le sigh._

"She's finally asleep but I'm going to have to let you go. Bella is going to have a bad day and I need some time to figure out how to change that. I'll call you when I figure out the schematics of the party. Maybe you guys could come." I heard yet another growl from the other end. "Or not. Whatever. Either way I'll keep you posted. Give my love to my siblings and Carlisle. Bye, Esme."

I hung up the phone a tossed it onto my makeshift bed and laid back. I let the visions of the upcoming weeks pass through my mind. I saw Edward's future flash in here and there, but it was nothing concrete because the boy-who-knew-absolutely-nothing kept changing his mind. I shook my head like an Etch-a- Sketch so I could focus on Bella's future and the party.

So far, the party looked like a winner and if everything went well, I had a chance to have a happy Bella on my hands. I was going to love coming up with props and clothes for the party. It would give me a chance to relive a time that I hardly remembered and have my BFF there to share the experience with me. I could already see the awesome dresses we were going to wear and I had to clasp my hand over my mouth to hold back the squeal of glee that threatened to escape and wake Bella up.

I could hear Charlie grumbling his way to the bathroom and chuckled a bit. Charlie was the most clueless human I had ever come across despite his intelligence. Thank goodness I had decided to stay, because Lord knows how Charlie would've handled Bella. He probably would have just ignored the fragile state she was in.

I got up and started sifting through Bella's clothes to find something that would flatter her diminishing figure. _That solves one of the problems_, I thought to myself. Lauren's bitch ass was going to comment on Bella's weight loss to start the shit day Bella was going to have so I needed to find something Alice-worthy and fierce to make my girl look like the Goddess she is and shut Lauren the fuck up. If it weren't that I'd knock her three ways into next Tuesday, I'd beat that bitch down_. Oops, a little too angry. _ I smiled at myself as I looked down at the tattered blouse in my hands. Oh well, it was last season anyway. I threw the shirt behind me and dove deeper into the closet.

It was going to be a good day.

_**Reviews are like seeing Alice beat down Lauren!!**_

_**M  
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	6. Give them the Old Razzle Dazzle

_**AN: I'm loving all the favorites and alerts! I'd really like to know what you guys think so hey clicky on that box thingie **_

_**My story pimp this chapter is Shrinking the Violets by psydoc. It's a great fic about Charlie taking a more active role in Bella's life. I'm not gonna give a thing away it's awesome! Run read it's on my fav's**_

_**To Karen: It's just to make you smile a bit!**_

_**Super DUPA shout-out to my amazing beta changedbyedward that makes me sound eloquent and shit. I heart you hard BB!**_

_**On to the story…**_

APOV

The next couple of weeks went by without grand incident. I managed to keep that harpy Lauren away from Bella. Lauren did, unfortunately, have a bad spill down the stairs. Blame those god-awful, last season, clearance rack, Oscar De La Renta sling-backs she was clomping around in. If she had only picked up her feet as she walked, the cow wouldn't have tripped over my book bag. It's not my fault she doesn't look where she's going. I helped her up didn't I?

I was worried about how to bring up the party to Bella. Halloween was coming up so I could always pass it off as a costume party, but something told me she wouldn't take it well so I figured I should just be honest with her.

The sun shone through the window as Bella and I caught up on some homework. She had taken to staying with me on sunny days and we caught up on one of the assignments that we missed. We had stellar grades so the makeup work wasn't necessary, but it filled up the silence. I knew how Bella hated filling in the quiet with inane conversation. A few assignments later, it was time for a lunch break for the human, so I decided it was time to spring the party on Bella. She had her back to me as she searched around the kitchen for something to eat. _Time to pounce._

"Bella," I said ever so softly, "you love me, don't you?" I could hear her sigh as she dropped her head down. Ha, she thought I was going to ask her shopping or something.

"Alice, you know I do. Who's having a sale?" I gasped in mock horror and shook my head.

"Isabella, it shames me to know that you think me nothing more than a brain-dead shopaholic." I cast my eyes downward and felt Bella wrap her arms around me.

"Oh, Alice, I didn't mean it that way! You usually only use that line when you want to take an out-of-town shopping trip. What's going on? I'll be serious." She sat down and folded her hands over her lap, her big browns looking at me earnestly. I laughed because it looked like some of my mannerisms where rubbing off on her.

"Well, Bells, I've been thinking about the Era I grew up in and all the great music and times from then and I'm so sad that I missed it, you know? I wish there was a way for me to just gussie myself up and relive a time I never knew. Would you be down to help me do something?" A beautiful smile lit up Bella's face for the first time since my dearest brother left her and she shook her head in genuine excitement.

"Anything, Alice. What's on your mind?" I started jumping up and down in my seat

"So, this is what I'm thinking. The Roaring Twenties from décor to attire. Music, food, and all that jazz. The girls could dress up as flappers. It'll be awesome and, of course, we'll look amazing. The best part? I get to share this with you. I get to play time machine and pretend I'm a normal teen and my bestie will be there. So I repeat, are you down? Halloween is around the corner so we could set it up as a costume party."

"I'm more than down, Alice, let's do this shit!" Bella ran upstairs to grab her laptop and I couldn't help the smile that had pasted itself to my face. I really thought it would be harder to draw Bella out but it seemed like she wanted to make the effort just as much as I wanted to help her through her issues.

I couldn't contain the happiness that was rolling off me so I did a little happy dance and jumped when I heard a rap at the door. I should have been paying more attention. I was letting myself get so wrapped up in the party that I was allowing it to block other things, so I was surprised when I opened the door to see Angela Weber standing on the porch with her arms full of books.

"Hey, Angela! To what do we owe the pleasure?" I grabbed some books off her pile and motioned for her to come in. Of all the humans at Forks High, I really loved Angela the most. She was a genuine friend. No pretenses. No looking for extras. She was just there for whoever needed her.

"Thanks, Alice, I was just bringing by some books I had borrowed from Bella and wanted to see how she's doing." Angela smiled and I understood. We had been watching Bella for the better part of eight weeks, seeing her teeter back and forth between emotions, when all we wanted was for her to get better. At that moment, Bella ran down the stairs and, miraculously enough, managed to not do a face-plant at the bottom. She came to a halt in front of us and smiled at Angela.

"Hey, you! Guess what? Alice, can I tell her?" I looked at the sheer bliss on Bella's face couldn't resist. It was the first time I had seen her so animated and excited for anything in so long that I couldn't say no. I smiled at her and nodded. She placed her laptop on the table and turned back to Angela.

"So, Alice has this idea to have a themed party this Halloween. The theme is the 1920's and I mean everything!" Bella launched into the party set up and explained what I wanted to do. I sat back and watched in absolute amazement. As early as the beginning of the week, Bella had been keeping to herself. At times, I'd walk into the room and she'd just be talking to herself. After my conversation with Esme over the weekend, I had considered finding a shrink for her. It was too bad that I didn't know any psychologists that were vampires. I had finally shoved the idea out of my mind because, again, the thought of being committed was less than desirable. I had decided, instead, to go through with the party and see how it went. I was pleased with the choice I had made because Bella really seemed to be into it. I watched as a smile spread across Angela's face.

"Oh my goodness! You guys don't even know! This is amazing!" Angela started cracking up and laughed so hard she had to hold her sides. Bella and I looked at each other in confusion. Angela started waving her hands at us to show she was all right. When she finally composed herself, she started to explain.

"When I was in, like, seventh grade, we all had this assignment. Pick an era of time, study it, and portray an average couple at the time. The catch was that we had to act the part for a week. We practiced the mannerisms and language of that time and acted the part. We also had partners so at least someone knew what we were talking about. I was paired with Tyler and we chose the 1920's because of the up-and-coming jazz and flapper scene. After the assignment, I got sucked in and kept studying the subject. I fell in love with the music and the lingo. The slang was awesome, or better yet, it was the cat's meow, doll!" She winked at us and Bella and I exchanged slack-jawed glances. I slid over to Angela's side and gave her my most winning smile.

"Ang, you _have_ to help me with this party." I looked up at her, giving her my best doe-eyes, and for another time that day, I was surprised. Who woulda thunk it? Sweet and quiet Angela was an undercover, on the level, flapper girl!

"Alice, I thought you'd never ask!"

**BPOV**

_I will get through this. I will get through this. I fucking damn well had better get through this._ I sat on my bed and muttered my mantra to myself. I had decided that I wasn't going to sit around and let myself slowly go crazy. It was bad enough that I kept hearing…_things. _I refused to even deal with that yet. I needed to deal with how to not draw attention to myself and the best way to do that was to act like my heart wasn't breaking and my life wasn't over because the other half of my soul had rejected me. Yeah. So, at that point I had to pep talk myself just to get through the day.

The weeks passed by and I tried hard to push away the ever-present feeling of despair. I had almost gotten to the point where I could come off semi-normal. I had even passed the 'Alice test.' I really was excited about the party, but he was always there in the back of my mind. My calm façade and jovial mood all but vanished as soon as even the whisper of a thought murmured something that reminded me of him.

After Angela left, I told Alice I had a headache but she should get something for Angela and me to eat since Angela was planning to come over later that night to help with the party planning. I stayed home, sat back on my bed, and repeated my mantra to myself. I had to try even if I was just faking it. I knew how hard Alice was trying and I wanted to show her that I was going to be okay, at least on the outside. It was my duty, as her best friend, to help her throw a phenomenal party that no one in Forks would ever forget.

_I will get through this…_


	7. One second changes it all

_**Disclaimer: I claim nothing, but Edward would be nice for Mother's Day. All 1920's slang can be found here : http://local . aaca . org/bntc/slang/slang . htm Just remove the spaces  
**_

_**AN: So yeah, I took FOREVER to update…RL and all. **_

_**If you want a visual for the dresses PM I got pictures. That goes for the playlist as well.**_

_**A big muah and hug to my fuckawesome beta ChangedbyEdward who rocks well… my everything and special thanks to a new friend LolaRose for the shopping tips. H&R Ladies H&R ;P**_

_**Story pimp this chapter is by NanMcCullen. Is Bella cut out for life as a Dom? Find out in The Mistress and her Master. Check it out on my favs. I promise you won't be disappointed!**_

_**Now that I've rambled long enough, On with the story…**_

**APOV**

We sat at the lunch table crowded around Bella's laptop as Angela and I clicked on different sites to look for outfits. I could see Lauren and Jessica staring at us with interest, but I gave them the stank-eye and kept trying to find something fabulous to wear. _I might have to call in a favor from a designer or two._

"Hey, what about this, Alice? I think it would look amazing on you!" I peered into the screen and saw a little red number that stopped short right at the thighs with little fringies on the hem of the dress. The model wore a little cap over her bob and a trio of long black beads. The red was too bright to go with my pale skin tone but Angela had just the right amount of tan to pull it off.

"Huh-uh, Ang, that dress is screaming YOU!" Angela blushed a bit and shook her head.

"No way, Alice, it's way too short! I couldn't leave my house in that! My dad would have a heart attack!" I choked back a laugh and shook my head.

"Angela, I wouldn't let you wear just that! I'd lose the cap and give you pin curls and I'd alter the hemline to your own measurements. You could wear Mary-Janes with a bit of a heel, some cat-eyes and ruby red lipstick, baby, you'll be dazzling!" I shut the laptop and looked over at the girls. "Okay, screw this. I have more know-how in my pinkie than this hunk-o-junk. Let's just go to the thrift store and pick some stuff out. I've got enough working around in my head that I can create something better than these cheap costumes." I looked over at Bella who seemed stuck to the chair.

"Bella? Uh, earth to Bella? Are you coming?" Something strange flashed across Bella's face before her mouth turned up into a smile.

"I'm coming, Alice. I just uh, spaced out a bit." I shot my eyebrow up at her and started grabbing our stuff from the table.

"Alright, Bella, we've got a couple more classes but I guess we could meet at your truck after school?" Bella nodded her head and went on her way, leaving Angela and me staring at her retreating back. We looked at each other and shrugged. Whatever it was, I was sure Bella didn't want to talk about it just then, if at all. I'd wait until we were alone to see if anything came up, but since all I could see was us getting some amazing outfits, I slipped my arm through Angela's and started talking shop.

**BPOV**

_Please just get to the bathroom. _I ran through the crowded halls bumping into nameless people until I reached where I needed to be. I couldn't believe that shit would happen to me in the lunchroom, of all places. It's not like we spent that much time there together. But I saw him sitting across from me with that beautiful half-smile on his face. _I can't take this shit! Am I going crazy?_ I swore that I could almost _hear _him. I rushed into an empty stall and put the seat down. I sat there with my knees pulled up to my chest, repeating my mantra to myself. All I was hoping for was that a certain pixie didn't pop her head through the door. I loved Alice to death, but she'd spent the better part of her time with me trying to get me to smile, so I wasn't about to disappoint her with my relapse moments. The less she knew about that, the better. I rocked myself gently, willing myself to calm down. I was getting pretty freaking tired of those… well… I didn't even know what to call them. Visions? Hallucinations? Because apparently, I was bat shit crazy at that point. Whatever they were, they'd gotten more intense in the past few weeks. It was almost as though my mind was either trying to protect me from something, or prepare me for something. Either way, I was so tired of him creeping up on me and fucking up my façade. I was supposed to be showing them that I was getting better, not cracking up. I repeated my mantra a few more times and took a deep breath to calm myself. I opened the stall and was not surprised to see a tiny person fixing her black tufts in the mirror.

"You know, if you want to bail today, I won't hold it against you. I know how draining those er… memories can be." I shook my head and walked up to the sink next to Alice to wash my face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and shuddered. Big, emotionless, brown eyes stared back at me with puffy, purple circles under them. The rest of my skin was almost as pale as Alice's, except that I had none of her grace. Were it not that I looked haggard and worn out compared to Alice, we could almost pass as sisters. I thought about that for a minute and realized that the days of Alice becoming my real sister were over. I sighed and turned to her.

"I'm fine, Alice, really. I was just hoping that instead of getting harder, it would be getting easier to deal with the whole… situation. I'm just so tired of being tired, you know? Well, I guess you don't know, but I'm sure you understand. I just want him to open his eyes and realize that this was a mistake. I want everyone home. If he doesn't want to be with me, fine, but give me back the others. I miss Emmett so much. Hell, I even miss Rose! And you can't tell me you don't want Jas to come back. Shit. I'm whining about how much I miss them… I can only imagine how you're feeling. I've pretty much alienated you from your family and all I want is to bring them back. If it wasn't for you I'd be afraid I made this all up." Alice threw her arm around me and touched her forehead to my own.

"Bella, no one is alienating me, well maybe Emoward, but aside from that, this was my decision and they know that. Jas will come home when he's ready to. I'm not worrying and neither should you. Come on, girl. Let's clean up and get out of here. We have two more days till show time and we need something amazing!" All of a sudden, a faraway look came over Alice's face. "Oh, and I KNOW where to find everything we need!" Alice grabbed my hand and we took off to find Angela, at human speed, thankfully. It was going to be a long afternoon filled with endless shopping. Hooray for me.

**APOV**

After wearing my humans out and ransacking seven different second-hand stores, I found the all the things I needed to make us all 'the girls' of the party. I found a beautiful aquamarine colored dress with pretty beads, decals, and flapper fringies all over it for Bella. There was a great red number that matched Angela perfectly and would look even better once I was done with it. For myself, I found a kick-ass light purple dress that had fringies only on the bottom to make me look taller (bonus in my book), and it came with a little headband that would be perfect on me. I let Bella and Angela pass out upstairs and I told them I'd be up in a few. We stayed at my house for the extra room and privacy besides the fact that I couldn't work my magic with Charlie snoring down the hall. Likely he would wake up and I would never be able to explain the speed with which I was moving to him. Once I had altered each dress to suit our needs, I sent an email to the caterers to tell them what time to arrive on Saturday. Then, at vampire speed, I tidied up the house. By the time the sun came up, the dresses where done, the food ordered, the house ready to be decorated, and the music being loaded onto my Zune. I could hear Angela and Bella stirring so I put a pot of coffee on to brew and threw some bagels in the toaster-oven. Two sleepy-eyed ladies appeared at the bottom of the stairs a few minutes later.

"G'morning, Alice, mmmm, is that coffee I smell? It smells amazing!" Angela yawned her way to the kitchen and sat at the table. I was excited to see the table being used. At least by someone other than Bella. I grabbed three mugs, one for each of them, and one for myself to keep up the charade, and poured the coffee. I handed Bella her mug and she raised an eyebrow at mine. I shrugged, not needing to explain. I didn't have to keep up pretenses with her, but with Angela around, I had to play human. So, I took my mug of tar and sat across from Bella.

"How'd you guys sleep?" Bella automatically looked down so I already knew her answer, but Angela stretched out like a cat.

"Oh geez, Ali, that was the best night's sleep EVER. I'm actually going to know what's going on today! Hey, how are the outfits coming along? Sorry I kicked you out of your room… I never heard you come up last night, and Bella came out of Rosalie's room alone. You didn't stay up all night, did you?" I shook my head and grabbed both girls by the hand.

"Feast your eyes on these, girlies, Alice Cullen creations, just for my friends. Angela, I hope the heel isn't too high; I got the lowest I could find. Bella, I know it's not a dark color but it's going to look amazing on you!" The 'oohs' and 'aaahs' came in abundance as I felt four arms wrap around me and if not for my strength, I would have toppled over. "I take it you guys like?"

"Yes! I can't believe you finished all the alterations overnight! You're amazing!" Angela gushed over her outfit and Bella stood there with the funniest smile on her face. I took it as Bella's stamp of approval since she didn't go into defense mode.

"Okay, girls, let's get ready for school. Angela, I'll drop your outfit off at your house after school so you have it for tomorrow. Bella, naturally yours can stay here until then. We're going to be the fiercest Shebas in the room!" Angela squealed and ran upstairs to get ready. Bella didn't move.

"Bella? Is everything alright? You look…distracted."

"I'm okay. I'm just a little tired. It's hard to sleep when everywhere I look I see him here. I can't even bring myself to walk past his room or look at the piano. It just… brings back too much. But, you know what, Alice? I'm good. It hurts but I'm okay. Really. I'm going to get ready. I'm sure you'll be done before both of us so I'll meet you down here so we won't be late." She pulled me into a hug and buried her face in my shoulder. "Thank you, Alice, for everything," she whispered.

I held her and said, "That's what besties are for. Now, run along, I have to beautify myself!" I watched Bella go up towards Rose's room and I tried to see if everything was still going as planned. _So far so good. Tomorrow night the fun begins._

~**PARTY TIME**~

"Angela, relax, baby. You look amazing. Any further worry will insult the magnificent job I've done." I turned Angela towards the mirror in the foyer. She was absolutely stunning. Her hair was pinned up perfectly and her make-up light. I brushed a faint red tint across her lips and dabbed a bit of lip-gloss over that for extra shine. I pinned one long, red feather in her hair and Angela was the real deal. I had altered her dress to fall a little over the knee and had gotten her kitten-heel shoes with a bow for a buckle. I gave her a red shawl embroidered with little beads so she could cover shoulders, since the dress was spaghetti strap, and she finished the look with one long, heart-shaped pendent.

"Wow, Alice, really, this is… I have no words! It's… gah… fantabulous!" Angela ran to set up the music and I went to make sure everything else was in place. Bella wanted to dress herself so I was waiting for her to come down. I was becoming nervous because she was supposed to be down here three minutes and forty-seven seconds ago, but I didn't intrude. The fact that Bella had even agreed to attend the party gave her the right to be a little late. If she needed a little alone time, well, I wasn't going to butt in and take it from her.

I could hear familiar melodies coming from the other room and I began to hum along to "I Wanna be Loved by You" by Helen Kale. I was so wrapped up in putting the finishing touches on some vintage parlor curtains that I had found for the occasion, that I didn't even notice when Bella walked into the room. She looked so amazing that I couldn't believe it was the same girl I'd been seeing for the past few weeks. Her face had a beautiful glow and the way she had pinned her hair and stuck a little peacock feather in it was breathtaking. The dress fit her like she was born to wear it and the soft aquamarine color flattered her skin tone perfectly. The cute, heeled Mary-Janes made her legs look long and graceful, and the final touch was the three long strands of pearl beads she wore.

"Wow, Bells. Pulling out all the stops tonight, huh? I'm beyond impressed!" Bella gave me a shy smile and spun around, striking a pose.

"Really? With you as my roommate, nothing less would be accepted! I think I look pretty amazing if I do say so myself." Bella looked me straight in the eye and gave me the most sincere look. "Alice, let's have fun tonight, forget everything else and just have a blast. I just want to be normal today, you know? Have fun, be care-free, all that jazz." She laughed a little at her own joke. I turned us both into the mirror and fixed her clip.

"Don't I know it, Bella. We're going to have a ball. I don't need a special ability to see that. We look amazing, your food recommendations will be a hit, and Angela handled the music and invites. We have nothing to worry about. And if something should come up, well, I've got it handled! Let's go get Angela and…" The sounds of people arriving interrupted me and I finished, "Scratch that, let's go welcome our guests!"

Angela manned the door and ushered in our first arrivals as "The Charleston Swing" sounded out of the living room, or as it was known for the purposes of the party, "The Parlor." Angela and I had agreed on a mix of swinging jazz and ragtime for the soundtrack so that the selections would be mostly up-tempo and didn't leave room for people to just stand around. Footloose and fancy-free were the key words. I had the caterers set up the food along the farthest back wall. There were some pretty, plush, velvet couches and chaise lounges available for people to sit on.

I noticed Ben, Eric, and Tyler walking in, looking quite keen indeed, and flashed them a smile. They all stared, open-mouthed, because I, like Bella, had pulled all the tricks out of the bag. I had straightened my hair as flat as is would go and curled the ends towards the front. I had a cute little beaded headband and I did my make-up with full-on cat eyes and a sexy deep-burgundy lip stain. My dress was cut low and stopped short right above my thighs. I had on spiked Mary-Janes with three buckles over the top. I had a trio of knotted pearls and one big pearl ring on my left hand as a little reminder to me of my husband. I smiled at the thought of Jasper and walked toward Ben and Tyler.

"Wow, Alice, you look incredible. I hope I'll get a chance to cut a rug with you later," Tyler easily flirted with me. _How bold these boys get when my "brothers" aren't around!_

"Well, hello there, boys, don't you look good enough to eat! Welcome, welcome! Make yourselves at home! Tyler, you old Sheik, of course I'll save a dance for you!" I threw a little 1920's slang for the occasion and Tyler smiled bright.

"I'm happy to hear an exquisite doll, such as yourself, speaks my language. Maybe you could come check me sometime…" I laughed before he could finish his sentence and shook my head.

"Sorry, Mac, but the bank's closed. I'm sure there are enough dames running around here you'd want to play snuggle-buggy with and I'm no pushover. Besides, I already got me a daddy I carry a torch for. Now, I have to go mingle, you behave or I'm reneging on that dance." I turned and sauntered away to find Bella and say hello to a few more people. I could hear Tyler chuckle in disbelief and say to Ben, "Now THAT is a bearcat, my friend."

Ben looked confused and stared at Eric and Tyler. "I have no idea what the hell you just said, but yeah, she looks good." Then Angela walked in the room.

All three boys stood there with mouths agape and, oh my goodness, all she did was wink and walk out of the room! Go Angela!

I chuckled to myself and found Bella in the front room cradling a mocktail and looking around. Her eyes caught mine and she winked. Satisfied that everything was going well, I began making rounds and unfortunately saw Lauren and Jessica clomp in.

"Hello, ladies, and I use that term loosely, welcome to my home! I hope you guys are here to have a good time and realize that you're on my turf now. You're only here because you're part of the student body and everyone was invited as a whole. I don't like singling people out. But, since you guys do, I hope you're on your best behaviors because there aren't school rules here. These are my rules and I don't mess around. Got it?" I glared into their shocked faces that were overly done up and heavy on the powder. "Good. We understand each other. Now feel free to help yourselves to refreshments and have a good time!" I waved over my shoulder and saw Bella, who caught the whole interaction, beside herself with laughter.

"Oh my God, Alice, did you see their faces?" She gasped between fits of giggles. I had just been trying to make a point to those two, but since it made Bella laugh so hard, I was considering turning it into a daily routine.

We laughed together as we walked into the parlor and saw Angela and Tyler tearing up the dance floor. They were in the middle of a semi-circle while everyone around them either cheered or danced along. Bella and I ran to get a closer view. They were doing some amazing footwork to "The Broadway Rag" by Bob Wilson and his Varsity Rhythm Boys and the whole party kicked into full swing. Everyone was dancing and laughing and as I cut in for Angela, I saw one of the kids in our year approach Bella and ask her to dance. Although she declined, she let out a bright bubbly laugh, and there it was, my vision of a bright laughing Bella. I was so happy I could have exploded. Finally, I was seeing her break through the desolate time she was having and let loose. I knew then that she would make it through, even if tomorrow was not as good a day, she wouldn't be broken forever.

As the night went on, the food started to disappear, and the mood picked up even more. I ended up having to call Charlie and have him escort Jessica and Lauren home. I had a glimpse of them being drunk and sure enough, they had made their mocktails into real Gin and Tonics. Too bad the dumb asses couldn't hold it down and Jess ended up throwing up all over the front of Lauren's dress. So, I happily called Charlie, who called their parents, and he came to my house to pick them up.

"Hey, Alice, you guys winding down soon? It's really starting to pour out there," he said when he arrived. I hadn't even realized it had started raining, but that was nothing new in Forks so I waved it off.

"Don't worry, Charlie. If these kids grew up here, the only thing this rain is going to do is dampen the ground. Besides, it's only ten, don't you trust us?"

"Of course I do, but I obviously can't trust these two. Come on, ladies, you have some explaining to do." Jessica and Lauren somberly followed Charlie to the cruiser and I waved them out. Good Riddance.

I decided to haul the couch Jessica threw up on outside because the smell was nauseating me, so I asked the guys to "help" me take it to the patio. That's when it hit me. _Flames, blood, Bella's lifeless body being shot through the windshield, the sound of crunching metal colliding with trees._

"Alice, Alice, can you hear us?" Two forms came into focus, so very different from the ones I had been seeing.

"Where's Bella?" Tyler and Ben looked at each other and shrugged. I ran back in the house and started searching for Bella. What I found was a panicked Angela rushing towards me.

"Alice! Alice, she's gone, she ran out the door! I just wanted to slow things down a bit so I put on some Gershwin and then Rhapsody in Blue came on… she looked like she was going to be sick and she took off. I thought she was going to the bathroom but she flew right through the front door. Alice, it's pouring outside!"

"I know, I know! Angela, quietly get everyone out, send them home, to the diner, whatever, just get rid of them. I have to call Charlie." I opened my cell and dialed Charlie.

_You've reached Chief Swan. Please leave a mess-_

Dammit! I called again and he picked up

"Charlie, it's Alice! Listen, Bella ran out there in the rain. Can you come back and try to find her? You're on your way? Good, Charlie, please, whatever you do, please watch the road and be very careful. Yes, I am aware you're a seasoned driver! I know I'm just a kid but please, I'm begging you, no matter what, just watch the road!" He hung up on me muttering something about knowing how to drive and take care of his daughter while I rushed upstairs to grab towels and a blanket for Bella. Once I was sure everyone was out, I asked Angela to lock up and hide the key under the mat. As soon as I was sure I was out of sight, I took off at vampire speed towards where my vision took place.

_Please let me make it there on time._


	8. Let the Flames begin

**_AN: Alright guys Here yo go! We're seeing things through Bella's eyes for a bit and then...Well you'll have to read on. Please remember Alice doesn't "See" everything all the time. Her time with Bella has let her put her guard down so to speak. So keep that in mind when you're all "WTF Didn't Alice see this coming?" Cause , um, no she didn't._**

**_How dare I forget to thank my fucktastic beta ChangedbyEdward. And also thanks to Lola for the late night convos. You both keep me in check!!  
_**

_**Now on the story...**_

**BPOV**

I ran. I ran hard and fast, not caring that my shoes had ripped off half a mile ago. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't, see him there. As soon as I heard the first opening notes of that song, the whole room spun and there he was at the piano and I could hear my song. My song. The one that he took away from me had started to play. I concentrated on the sounds of my bare feet slapping the pavement, the rain splashing against my face, and my heart thundering in my ears as I continued to run.

_**Bella don't do this. Turn around.**_

"NO, you don't have the right to care! You said it would be as if you never existed and all I see is YOU! You wanted me to be human? Watch me!" I screamed as I ran further down the road going as fast as my legs would go. If he could run, so could I.

I saw headlights coming up fast and stopped dead in my tracks.

_**Love, please, move out of the way. **_

His beautiful, tortured voice started pleading with me. I snorted as I crouched down in the middle of the road shivering. "You lost this battle when you left me in the woods. Don't concern yourself with this, _**love**_. Things are going just as they should." As I sat there talking to the voice in my head, the car skidded to a halt and a sheet of water enveloped me.

"Isabella Marie! Get in here! NOW!"

Oh, shit. I wasn't counting on it being Charlie.

"That's it, Bella! You're going to Florida! How could you leave the party? Were you drinking? Bella? Answer me, young lady!"

I sat there, soaked, frozen to the bone, with nothing to say for myself. I honestly didn't know how to respond to Charlie. Then, as I thought about it, I got upset because it was the most my father had said to me in two months and he was trying to send me away. I was so fucking tired of people trying to rid themselves of me. _What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really that bad of a person that no one wants me around?_

"No, dad, I wasn't drinking, and you wouldn't have had to ask me such a stupid question if you knew me better. And I'm not going to Florida with mom either. If you don't want me I'll move in with Alice at her old house or something, but I'm not leaving Forks." Even though I hated to admit it to myself, if I left, I really would be brought to reality, the reality that he wasn't coming back. As long as I stayed, I had hope that someday he would return for me, that he still loved me, that it was all a mistake.

"I don't know what else to do with you, Bella. I thought Alice staying here was helping, but… I just don't know how to handle this. I could never not want you. You're my little girl." Charlie's voice was full of emotion and he stared at me, waiting for an answer. I stared back with a blank expression on my face.

"Ch… dad, there's no way to handle it. I'm hurting and I don't know if there's a timeline for this kind of thing. It just needed to get out, and well, tonight is when it decided to escape. I'm trying, dad, I really am, it's just… everywhere I go, I see him. I don't want to run from him the rest of my life."

Charlie looked at me with a deep understanding and nodded his head. "I just… I want my Bella back. I love you, kiddo." He blushed at the emotion of the moment and turned his eyes back to the road.

Before I had a chance to tell my dad I loved him, too, I saw his hands clench on the wheel. The windshield was foggy, but in the headlights, I could barely make out a form. Charlie slammed on the brakes and the car began slipping and sliding in the turbulent rain. He switched on the high beams and the form became clearer.

"Holy hell, Bella! What is that, a _wolf_?" Before I could answer, the car began to hydroplane. Charlie was frantically trying to regain control. As I began to rise out of my seat, I realized I didn't have a seatbelt on. I shot a glance at Charlie just as the impact happened. I threw my arms over my head and felt myself hit the windshield.

**EPOV**

I sat in my car, the sound of Debussy's "Valse Romantique" wafting from my speakers, as I tried to decide whether to go home or not. I reasoned that I just wanted to make sure Bella was okay. _What harm would there be just checking in? She wouldn't even know I was there. But, if I'm going, maybe I could just talk to her… hold her… _ I put the car in drive and sped towards Forks, all the while thinking about my Bella. _Does she miss me? Does she hurt like I hurt now?_ Alice said Bella was faking her way through life, but I just couldn't believe that. Surely she knew that I really did love her deeply. Didn't she understand that I just couldn't keep putting her in harm's way? I let the thoughts of Bella flood my mind as I traveled the twisting roads near Forks. Suddenly, the most vicious screaming I've ever heard attacked my ears. Then, my sister's voice invaded my senses.

_Did I do this right, Jas? I mean, is it going to work? There was so much blood. I didn't even know if I could…_

I pushed my car faster as the conversation grew more frantic. _Who could be screaming like that?_ I hadn't heard screaming like that since Rosalie was turned. And then the realization hit me… "Bella!"

I jumped out of the car, not even bothering to close the door, and blasted through the front door of the house. Jasper was holding Bella down on the couch and Alice was looking over her body. By her thoughts, I could tell that she was checking to see if she had injected enough venom in her. Bella's screams pierced the air and I fell to my knees at the very sight of her.

She was in tattered and torn rags that might have once been a beautiful dress. A large gash ran down the side of her leg and another tore through the inside of her arm. Angry purple bruises were all over her stomach and sides and a large one was forming above her right temple. Her eyes were shut tight with pain as her body bucked and twisted under Jasper's hold. His face was utter agony as he tried to send calming waves toward Bella. Alice spun on her heel and her eyes held a fear and panic I had never seen before.

"What… What happened?" I could barely get the words out as Alice walked towards me and even as I asked, I could see the whole scene unfolding in my sister's mind.

"Bella finally fucking cracked, that's what happened!" A vicious snarl escaped Alice's lips before I had a second to even process her next move. Her tiny frame leapt on me, launching me across the room and out the door as the sound vibrated off the walls.

"I begged you to come back! I TOLD you what was going to happen! She was getting better, Edward! She even laughed tonight! But, as soon as YOU creep up on her, her defenses go down and Bella is once again stuck in that god-forsaken forest seeing nothing but you running away with your tail between your legs, you coward!" She lunged again as I pivoted out of the way.

Jasper appeared in the doorway and tried using some of his power on his wife since it seemed to be having no effect on Bella. As proof positive, Bella's screaming voice resonated through the great room, piercing my dead heart with every bellow.

"Jasper, can't you _do_ something for her? Isn't there any way to sedate her? Did anyone call Carlisle? How did this happen, exactly? Was this honestly the very last choice, Alice, or something you saw and didn't want to stop?" My mind was reeling with the implications of the scene unfolding before me. I was full of questions, but had no answers. Alice and Jasper's minds were both racing and I couldn't keep up with my own mind racing too.

Jasper managed to grab Alice around the waist before she had another chance to strike at me. Unfortunately, it didn't keep her thoughts from assaulting my mind or her stinging words from reverberating in my ears.

"You unbelievable bastard! What do you propose I should have done, Edward? Let her DIE? Would that have fit into your vision of how things are _meant_ to be? Because if I hadn't bit her, brother dear, she'd be dead!" Alice's voice dripped with venom as she stalked across the room. Jasper walked back towards the couch, sending waves of calm over Bella as she screamed and thrashed. I followed them inside and engaged Alice in the battle.

"I'm not saying you should have let her die, Mary Alice. There's no need to be repugnant. I was on my way home to make sure everything was all right. I sure didn't expect to come home to Bella like this. I…"

"I- I- I… DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF, EDWARD?! Bella was dying! She flew through a window! If I hadn't caught her, she would have hit a tree! I held my best friend's damn near lifeless body in my arms. I had to choose between her and Charlie because I couldn't save them both! I watched as the fucking car exploded and then I had to run like hell away from the flames with Bella's heart slowing down every second. I just bit down. I didn't care where; all I cared about was saving her! If Jasper hadn't arrived when he did, I might have…" Alice's eyes grew wide with fear and then she was suddenly on the floor, dry sobs wracking her body.

I stood there staring down at my sister and for the first time, I realized what my actions had cost, not only me, and not only Bella, but my whole family. I knelt down next to Alice, but she scooted away from me, an action which I obviously deserved. Instead, I sat near her on the floor.

Jasper growled at me from the couch. "Edward, if you're going to be an asshole, just leave. Alice and I are perfectly capable of handling this without your help. In fact, we don't _need _your help, nor do we want it."

Alice began to compose herself and sat straight up. I looked at her pleadingly as I asked, "Does she really not need me? Should I just take my leave, Alice?" I was hunched on the floor so Alice was looking me straight in the eye, making her seem much taller than she was.

"She _never _needed you, Edward. But, she loved you way more than you ever gave her credit for. Stay or go, I don't care. I can't see the outcome either way. Only Bella will be able to tell you what she wants, but for now, all we can do is wait."


	9. Waiting

_**AN: OK so it's short but I'm working on the next chapter**_..._**soon. I'd love to give a big wow and thanks to those of you who reviewed, alerted, favorited, and rec'd. You guys effing rock.**_

_**Another special hells yea to my fucktastic beta, ChangedbyEdward who added her magic touch to this chapter so ya'll should really thank her. Muah to Lola for being my partner in the corner. Nan, to being pervs behind (and sometimes in front) of people! I love you chicas H&R!**_

_**Reviews give me the kick to move my shiz faster so show me the love.**_

_**Now, on with the story...  
**_

**EPOV**

"_She's screaming and thrashing, her heart is thundering in her chest. Jasper's been trying to calm her since the beginning but he's having no affect on her." I heard silence on the other end of the phone. Each second that ticked by felt like a millennia. Each moment that passed was another moment I couldn't help her._

"_I really don't think I can give you any better advice than Jasper can. He has the best knowledge of newborns in the family, Edward. You need to put some faith and trust in him."_

"_Carlisle, she's in pain! She screams so loudly and each time it tears me apart! I can't hear her so I have no idea what's going through her mind! Surely there must be something I can do to ease her suffering."_

"_Edward, there isn't anything you can do but let the venom run its course. Tomorrow should signal the end of it. I'm sorry, son, but this just isn't something you can help along or improve. All you can do is wait 'till she wakes up." I felt my mouth pull into a frown while I mulled over Carlisle's words. He had said the same as Alice. All we can do is wait. I felt another fear rising in my chest._

"_What if she doesn't want me anymore? What if I've ruined everything? I can't bear the thought of what my actions have done."_

"_Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you, Edward. Bella's going to have to decide for herself and she's going to need some time. I have no doubt that she loves you, but when you left, it hurt you both deeply. Assuming she even remembers any of it when she wakes up, the only way to mend it is through time and regaining her trust. Torturing yourself about it right now isn't going to do either of you any good. You're not going to have an answer until she wakes up, and even then, who knows? So, Edward, all we can do right now is to…"_

"_I know, I know, all we can do is wait," I said, cutting him off. _

I had been thinking back on my earlier conversation with Carlisle as I sat listening to the final beats of Bella's heart. It was pounding rapidly in her chest and I noted Alice's smile. Her thoughts told me that she knew it was almost over. Jasper started to relax just after I heard him thinking that the pain Bella was feeling was starting to subside. He was exhausted, but anxious for her to awaken. I became pensive and Jasper shot me a warning look. "_Calm down or get out, Edward. It's going to be difficult enough as it is without your self-loathing fueling the fire." _

It seemed that everyone was telling me how to react, how to behave, even in their thoughts. I was growing increasingly frustrated with it although I knew they were right. I made a conscious effort to calm myself and as I did so, Alice sat up and crossed her hands in her lap. Her topaz eyes glazed over as the vision overtook her consciousness. She saw Bella, frightened and growling, running out the door. Alice was chasing after her. She caught up to her, but then the vision turned into a blur. Alice wasn't able to see anything else.

When the vision stopped, I could hear the fear in her mind. "_What the hell was that? What decision is she going to make that's making the vision…"_

Jasper sensed her fear and went to her immediately. "What is it, Alice? Why are you afraid?"

Shivers went down my spine when Alice spoke, though I could hear the words forming in her brain before she spoke them. "She'll awaken in 56 seconds, but something isn't right…"

**APOV**

_Bella's running. She's scared and growling as I chase after her. When I catch her, we're no longer in the woods behind the house… we're… I can't see where we are… everything's a blur. What the hell was that? What decision is she going to make that's making the vision do that? This doesn't even feel like my own vision anymore…_

Jasper's arms around me asking me why I was afraid brought me out of it. I blinked at him and then Edward. Edward knew something was wrong, too. I could see his fear swirling in his eyes as surely as he could see mine. I tried to collect myself for a moment. I immediately made every effort to block him from reading my thoughts. If he sensed that there was much more than confusion and some fear in my mind, he would spiral into a panic that we didn't need to try to deal with along with having to manage Bella when she would awaken in less than a minute.

"She'll awaken in 56 seconds, but something isn't right. I saw her running, but when I caught her, everything changed. The vision didn't feel… like it was mine… anymore."

Jasper remained next to me as Bella's heart slowed and we listened to the final thumps. I looked up at him as he wrapped his arms around me. We sat in silence waiting for the moment when she would open her eyes after her heart finally stopped. I stole a glance at Edward whose face was stricken with anticipation and worry. I felt sorry for my poor brother, but I couldn't offer him any solace. My only concern was Bella and I focused all of my attention on her. The room came to an eerie silence after the final thud of her heart resounded.

I knew how it was going to play out, but seeing Bella awaken in a vision and actually witnessing it were two entirely different things. The vision could change at any moment depending on what decisions she made. The only thing I knew for sure was that she would be absolutely beautiful, for such was the curse for our kind, but I was worried about how she'd feel about being turned. I knew that at some point, it was what she wanted, but all I could think about was all the human things she was going to miss out on and the things she would never be able to do again. Knowing Bella, it would be something as simple as brushing her hair before she went to sleep that she would miss the most. We all stood and took a few steps back as she started to stir, not wanting to startle her.

Bella opened her eyes, which were no longer brown, but the crimson red of a newborn vampire. She looked around absorbing the room, but said nothing. Jasper, Edward and I stood in the far corner of the room, just watching as she took in her surroundings. Bella finally turned our way and took in a sharp breath. I smiled at her in reassurance, but she starting backing away, a low growl forming in her chest.

"Bella? It's ok. I mean, are you ok?" I started walking towards her and I could see that her eyes were growing large with fear and her growling got louder too.

"Bella? Who the hell is Bella? And who the hell are you? Where the fuck am I and where is that sound coming from?"


	10. Dazed and Confused

_**AN: First and foremost let me apologize for the looong wait. RL well is RL and I gotta do that before I get to play.**_

_**Muchas gracias to my super fucktastic Beta ChangedbyEdward who not only Beta'd but helped me more than she knows!**_

_**Lillie your the fucking best Mistress EVER!Thanks for giving me the ok to play with Jasper for a bit!!!**_

_**LolaRose you fucking rock We know this!!! **_

_**Shout out to RiRiCullen for checking in on me! Thanks BB! And to all of you that reviewed rec'd or faved, thanks!!!  
**_

_**We'll begin from the end of last Chapter...**_

_**Now on with the story...  
**_

_Bella finally turned our way and took in a sharp breath. I smiled at her in reassurance, but she started backing away, a low growl forming in her chest._

"_Bella? It's ok. I mean, are you ok?" I started walking towards her and I could see that her eyes were growing large with fear and her growling got louder too._

"_Bella? Who the hell is Bella? And who the hell are you? Where the fuck am I and where is that sound coming from?"_

**APOV**

I looked at Bella crouched in the corner and took a tentative step towards her. All I knew was that at some point, she was making a break for it; I just had to figure out how long I had before she made her move. I looked behind me and saw twin faces of hurt and confusion so I gave, what I hoped, passed more for a smile than a grimace, and focused my attention back on the newborn in the corner of my living room.

"Your name is Bella. The noise you're hearing is growling."

She looked puzzled and cocked her head to the side. "Uh, okay, so where is it coming from?"

I turned to look at Jasper, not knowing exactly how to tell her that she was a vampire and she was growling because she found us a threat to her. I finally decided the safest course of action would be to just tell her the truth.

"It's coming from you, sweets. You're a little nervous, so…"

"So I'm growling, right. Okay, what's your name?"

"Alice."

"Right. Okay, Alice, so I'm growling because I'm nervous. And why is that? Am I some kind of weird crossbred animal?" She shook her head and started giggling, a sound like tiny bell chimes.

Given the situation, I figured it was best not to laugh and shot Jasper an imploring look. If anyone could explain to her what was going on, it would be my husband. Jasper nodded and took a step forward. Bella stiffened when he moved and backed up against the wall. Immediately, her hand shot up to her throat and the low growling returned.

"Who are you, pretty boy?" Bella asked. Her growls almost ceased when Jasper sent a much-needed wave of calm and serenity over her. He chuckled and shook his head, taking another small step towards her.

"You really can't remember us, darlin'? I'm Jasper, Alice's husband. Uh, Bella, the thing is, and I know how farfetched this is going to sound, but just bear with me, okay?" Jasper held up his hands as if to show her he meant her no harm.

She relaxed and a slow smile spread across her face. She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. I chuckled a little as I realized that she was flirting with Jasper. I knew it wasn't very funny right then, but if she got her memory back, it was going to be hilarious.

"Alright, I'm game, so who are you people and what the fuck happened?"

Jasper chuckled, sensing her attraction to him along with her confusion, and sat on the sofa farthest away from her. She took a look around and her eyes fixed on Edward. I heard a sharp intake of air as she stepped forward, never blinking as she saw him.

"Bella?" Edward's voice sounded low and strangled. Although I knew the amount of heartache it would be for Bella to remember my brother, I was hoping with all my might that she would, at the very least, recognize him. I knew I was wrong when she stopped suddenly and turned back to Jasper.

"Geez, you guys are a fine looking bunch. I hope I look as hot as you guys do right now!" She laughed at her own joke as we all looked around at each other. I nodded to Jasper reassuring him that nothing new was going to happen and he took in a deep breath he didn't need before continuing.

"Bella, I realize you don't remember anything right now, but it's very important for you to listen to me carefully, darlin'. Just like you said, Bella, we're a fine group of people… who just happen to be vampires. We don't like it, but we deal with it the best we can."

I think my mouth must've hit the floor and I snapped my head up to glare at Jasper. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Edward had tensed up as well. Sensing our shock, Jasper just laughed at us.

"Listen, I'm not going to pussyfoot around this, guys. She needs to know what's going on just in case she doesn't get her memory back. Newborns are very unpredictable and…"

"Hold on a sec, pretty boy. Did you just say… vampire? As in, 'I vant to suck your blood,' coffins, angry villagers with fire, stakes through the heart, kind of vampire? You have _got_ to be kidding me!" Bella bent over as her musical laughter filled the air. The rest of us exchanged worried looks. Jasper and Edward locked eyes for a moment and they each nodded.

"No silent exchanges, guys! I need to know exactly what's going on so I can catch it if something changes." I glanced over at Bella who was still laughing and cracking vampire jokes to herself. Jasper took a step towards me and gave me a small hug.

"We're just going to have to show her, darlin'. I'm going to point her to the mirror and let her see the obvious."

This was exactly why I had turned things over to Jas. He knew how to handle newborn vampires and would know how to make her see what he was trying to get across. All signs pointed to her bolting at some point, so I was acutely aware of every movement of every muscle in her body. If she ran, I knew that I would be the one that would have to catch her. I had looked at it every way possible and neither of the guys would be able to get her to stop, only me.

Jasper walked towards her slowly, sending small rolls of comfort and friendship. Bella, still giggling, had now started roaming the great room, where a few decorations were still hanging. I had done my best to clean up, but the shock of having to turn my best friend, Edward arriving, and the three days that tore all of our hearts apart, had caused me to overlook a few details. The curtains remained, along with a 13 x 9 glossy photo of Bella, Angela, and me that I had taken before the party and framed.

As Bella walked around, Jasper instructed Edward to start pulling back the curtains and let the sunshine in. His plan was to show the obvious, the physical attributes that set us apart from humans.

Bella finally spotted the picture and stopped. She picked it up and touched the frame, then lifted her eyes to look at me. I stood next to the window closest to her and let the sun shine on my skin. Bella's eyes grew wide as she took in my scintillating exterior. After a moment, Jasper and Edward were by my side, all of us dazzling in the sun. Bella put the picture down and took a few steps forward, gasping.

"So beautiful," was all she said as she came closer. When she reached the area where the sun shown in, the sunbeams started dancing on her skin as well, setting alight the sparkles within her own body.

"So are you," Edward whispered as he pointed to her arm.

She shrunk back from the sun and retreated towards where she had originally started. As she moved gracefully along the wall, she passed by the hanging mirror. She stopped dead when she caught a glance at her reflection and she stared. I couldn't stop the gut wrenching reaction I got when she let out a terrified scream.

"In that picture my eyes are brown! What the _hell _is this?! All of you have amber eyes! Why the hell are my eyes glowing _red?!_" Jasper and Edward exchanged panicked looks and I backed away a bit, knowing the time was coming soon. My muscles all began to coil in anticipation of having to run to catch her.

"You people are serious, aren't you? I'm some kind of fantasy creature. I'm the reason the house cats stay inside!" I snorted at her joke, but that must've been the wrong thing to do entirely because when she heard it, she freaked.

"Oh, well it's all fine and dandy for you guys to yuck it up! Try waking up in a place you don't know with people you don't recognize feeding you some cock and bull story about creatures that couldn't possibly exist, your throat is burning, and everything is… is… GAH!!" She threw her hands in the air and then wrapped her arms around herself, breathing heavily.

Very quietly, Jasper said, "Alice did. When she woke up to this life she didn't even have anyone to explain to her what was going on or who she was."

Bella stared back at us in shock, or disbelief, I wasn't sure which. I nodded to confirm Jasper's revelation. She let out a sigh and let her arms drop. For whatever reason, Edward took this as a sign to move forward and rather than moving slowly, he flew to her side. _Fucking. Idiot._

"What the- _Get away from me!_" She pushed Edward – _hard._ As soon as he hit the wall and we heard the ear-splitting crack, I saw her run through, and I mean right through, the sliding glass door. Before the glass could hit the floor, I was right behind her.

Bella ran through the yard, leapt across the river, and streaked through the forest, never missing a step. She instinctively avoided the obstacles in her path even though she ran at vampire speed. It was something that under different circumstances, she would have found exciting, amazing, and exhilarating. As I chased after her, I grieved for Bella's lost memory. She would have been so thrilled to not trip over every tree root in her path. If her memory never returned, she'd never know how lithe and beautiful she was flying through the forest in her new body.

I knew if I didn't catch her soon I'd lose her.

I pushed myself harder, faster, knowing full well I wasn't as fast as Edward, but what I lacked in speed I made up for in ingenuity. I scaled the side of a tree, bringing it down with me as I used it like a makeshift catapult. I let myself lean with the tree and shot myself through the air. I was flying above her and could see her looking back as she ran. As I began coming down on her she looked up, but I had her. We collided with an ear piercing crash and tumbled. I could hear Edward and Jasper coming up fast and glanced at them, but then something happened I didn't quite understand.

I felt like I was spinning and closed my eyes. When I opened them, the scene that met me blew my mind. I was crouched with Bella, our arms wrapped around each other, but the weird part was that I was also watching myself run towards Charlie's spinning cruiser.

"Wh- what's happening?" Bella whispered, her body shaking with fear. She held on to me tighter and I squeezed her back as I swallowed the lump of fear that had formed in my throat.

"I'm not sure, but this is where the accident started, the one that…" I whispered back to her, trailing off. We held our breath and remained statues as we watched the horror unfold before our eyes. It was almost like we were at the scene of the accident, yet we were still planted firmly on the ground where I had just landed on top of her.

**BPOV**

I felt like I was going to be sick. I had the, 'I've been spun around too many times,' feeling going on and I was clinging on to this girl, this… Alice, as though she were my last great hope. Oddly enough, her presence comforted me and I started to calm down. Well, until I saw her run right past me even though she was very much hanging on to me like I was her last hope, too.

_I saw the other Alice running at some kind of warp speed, screaming. She was running towards a police cruiser that appeared to be spinning out of control. The driver was trying to control the car, but then I saw a woman flying through the windshield. The other Alice caught the woman mid-air and rolled into the woods as the car impacted a small grouping of trees. I watched her hesitate and put the woman down as she stared back at the car with sheer horror all over her face. A determined look came over her as she propped the woman against a tree and looked like she was ready to run back to the car, but with an earth-shaking explosion, the car erupted into flames before the other Alice could make her move. _

I looked over to the Alice clutching onto my side and she looked as though she might have been crying, but no tears were coming out. My stomach sank as I realized what I might have been witnessing, but I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I looked back at the accident, and it sickened me that I was so entranced by what was going on.

_The woman lay on her side as the other Alice screamed. The woman appeared to be dying and the other Alice grabbed a small satchel that was attached to what once must have been a beautiful dress, and pulled out a sliver of silver. She opened it and began talking. I could just make out the conversation, both sides of it, although I was well hidden and a good distance away._

"_Jasper! Jasper! I can't! I can't do it!" she shouted into the silver thing that must have been a phone as she rocked back and forth. The woman on the ground groaned and blood trickled from the corner of her mouth._

"_Alice, it's okay. Calm down, it's okay. What happened? Who's moaning? And… do I hear… fire?"_

"_It's Bella and Charlie! They were in an accident. Charlie's dead, Jas, and Bella's barely hanging on!"_

I started at the other Alice's words.

"_Bella? The woman dying on the ground is… me? Who's Charlie?" _I thought to myself.

I looked at the remains of the burning police cruiser while listening to Jasper's reply, trying to remember if anything looked familiar to me. I had the strangest case of déjà vu going on and felt as though I should know what was happening, but oddly, I also felt like a stranger looking in from the outside.

"_Alice, you have to calm down or you're not going to be able to help her at all. Damnit! I wish I were already there so I could help. Is she breathing? Moving at all?"_

"_Her breathing is really shallow and her heart is beating really fast. Jas, she's going to die and I can't do anything about it! I don't know what to do… I mean… how to… Jas, help me!"_

"_Alice, you can do this, darlin'. Listen to me. You have to make a decision and you have to make it now. You know you can save her. Under any other circumstance, you know this is what she wanted. There's only a small window of opportunity before it's too late."_

_The other Alice took a deep breath and appeared to be calming herself. She was looking down at… me, the me lying on the ground next to her in the vision anyway… and asked Jasper what to do. "Talk me through this, Jas. I can't do it by myself. I can't even remember what to… how to…"_

"_Find her pulse points, Alice. I'm sure her heart is weak and they won't be as easy to find as they normally would, but you can find them. Concentrate. Her wrists, her neck, her ankles… anywhere there's a pulse. Just bite enough to inject some venom. Don't suck the blood out, Alice. You have to do this quickly before her heart dies. The venom has to travel to her heart before it stops to keep her from dying so it can work."_

_I watched as the other Alice looked around quickly and pulled the woman… me… further into the forest. The smell of smoke and gas was hanging heavily around the area and the car remained partially on fire despite the heavy rain. I knew there was someone else still inside the car… Charlie… and I felt horrible for whoever he was. He was obviously dead._

I wondered if he had a family… how they would learn of the accident… wondered if he had children… what would become of them…

Alice was still holding on to me, her breaths coming in erratic pants. I felt the need to comfort her so I rubbed her back and held on tighter. I couldn't deny that I was terrified as well.

"I've never seen a vision like this. Ever. My visions have always been of the future, never the past. It happens all the time, but not like this," she whispered to me.

I looked at her in shock. _She's seen visions… before?_ "What do you mean this happens to you all the time? Is this part of being a … vampire?"

She shook her head. "No, I mean, well, with me it's something I brought over from being human. Certain traits seem to follow you from your human life into your vampire life, only they're more intense. I've learned that I had moments of precognition as a human. I have it now, too, in the form of visions of the future, but it isn't infallible, and they damn sure have never been like this. I've never seen backwards or even had a vision where it feels like I'm there. Jasper could explain better."

She stared back at the scene and so did I. We seemed to have followed the other Alice, even though neither of us had moved, and could see her shaking, holding the woman in her arms. The woman's hair fell back and when I looked closer, what I had feared was confirmed. I really was watching my own death. I saw myself, bloodied in a way that looked like I should've been dead. Flying out of the windshield had really done a number on my body and blood stained the beautiful dress I was wearing. The dress had torn around the middle, exposing my lacerated and bleeding torso.

It was so unreal. Even as I watched myself, I couldn't, for the life of me, see how it was possible. I tried to remember but couldn't. Alice sucked in a deep breath and stilled, so I followed her gaze.

_The other Alice brushed the hair from… the other me… and buried her face in my neck. At first, I thought she was just crying, but as she quickly traveled down my body, I could see that she was leaving little glistening silver bite marks all over me. Two on my neck, one on each wrist, the tops of my thighs, and at my ankles. _

I heard frantic breathing and realized it as coming from me. The other me let out a shrill scream that broke the silence around us. I let go of Alice for the briefest moment to cover my ears and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I saw Jasper shaking Alice, whose eyes were open, but glazed over and obviously seeing nothing.

The other man, the one that made my stomach tighten every time I looked at him, had a concerned look on his face as he crouched in front of the both of us. Alice and I were still on the ground right where she had fallen on top of me and as I looked at her, she had started blinking and shaking her head from side to side.

"Alice, please, please say something. Edward is scared out of his mind from whatever you saw, and both of your emotions are all over the place. Please, baby, just talk to me." His eyes bore into hers and she let out the smallest whimper.

"Jas, I never saw this coming," she whispered, eyes wide with fear.

"Never saw what coming, baby? Was it a vision? What's wrong?"

"Yes, it was a vision, but it wasn't mine and it wasn't what's _going_ to happen. It was… what already did."

"Wait, what? Darlin', what do you mean it wasn't yours? And if it wasn't yours, how did you have it?"

The corners of Alice's lips turned up very slightly as she looked my way. Jasper still looked very confused as he looked between the two of us.

A voice spoke that sent shivers down my spine, but in a good way, a really good way. "It wasn't Alice's vision because it was Bella's and somehow, she shared it with Alice."

"We're going to have to look this up, Edward. I think it's called retrocognition, if I remember right," Alice said excitedly.

I looked up at the beautiful stranger wishing I could remember how he fit into my life, or I guess what was my life before all of, whatever this was. He stared at me openly and I unabashedly stared back. I itched to run my hand through the mop of bronze and copper that was his hair and I saw my hand reaching forward as he seemed to lean in. As my hand grazed the side of his face, I felt the spinning sensation again and saw him kissing me. I gasped and yanked my hand back. Alice stood and brushed herself off, smiling, as she looked my way.

"I think we should go back to the house, Bella. Well, after you hunt, because if I'm thirsty you must be parched."

"Hunt?"

Jasper stood and offered me his hand. I declined and then, wouldn't you know it, I was already standing.

"I'm good, pretty boy. I don't want any more hocus pocus moments 'till I can wrap myself around this whole mess."

"Bella, I promise I'm going to do everything I can to help you remember. I know this is all very confusing and overwhelming, but I'll help you sort it out," Alice beamed at me.

All I could think was that I definitely could have been in a worse situation, all things considered. Jasper had said that when Alice awakened, she didn't have anyone to explain to her what was going on. I shuddered to think what that would be like. I couldn't help but to feel safe, although I wished I knew how everything fit together.

"Edward, will you be joining us, brother?" Alice broke my thoughts as she stank-eyed the man my body was very hyper-aware of. He stood in one fluid movement and looked at me.

I quickly ducked my head down, hiding my face behind my hair, suddenly shy when I heard my name escape his lips. My head snapped up upon hearing his voice breathe my name in velvet and I locked eyes with him.

"Edward." I let his name fall from my mouth as well, feeling myself move closer. His eyes widened and he swallowed taking a very obvious step back.

"I think we should hunt now and get back to the house. It's getting dark and I don't think we want everyone seeing a ghost all of a sudden. Wouldn't you agree, Jasper?"

Pretty boy nodded and Alice looked at Edward through the slits that were her eyes now.

"Alice, are you going to explain to me what it is we saw?" My voice came out barely above a whisper. I was scared not really knowing who I was while everyone talked around me about things I didn't understand. It was making me nervous. I took some deeps breaths trying to settle myself and swallowed an ache in the back of my throat. Alice walked toward me and pointed at my throat.

"Let's take care of that first and I'll explain everything when we get back to the house and get cleaned up." Jasper chuckled at the joke I didn't catch and started looking towards the deeper part of the forest. Alice closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, she pointed to her right.

"Ok, guys, this way." She started running and I followed, hoping that my questions would be answered soon.


	11. Starting

_**Disclaimer: Yes people there are quotes from Twilight (The real one) in this chapter. Sorry Stephanie..no one does it like you! I ain't making no money off it I swear!!!**_

_**AN: Well holy hell two updates in one month??? Yes it's true I'm keeping them a bit shorter in hopes of writing more, lets see how it works out.**_

_**Many thanks to my fucktacular Beta ChangedbyEdward who is dinging me to no end on gmail to hurry this shit up. I love you BB!**_

_**Many thanks to Lillie, Amy and Tammy who let me pester them with stupid question I love you broads.**_

_**Ok ok on to the story….**_

**EPOV**

I watched as she flew through the trees, rushing past hurdles that would once have caused her to make friends with the floor. If I had blinked, I would've have missed it. Her lithe body flying past the scenery was something that my heart was not prepared to witness. I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

After the hunt, we found ourselves sated and sitting in a clearing near the house. Alice was talking a mile a minute trying to fill Bella in on our way of life. The simple tee and shorts Alice had dressed her in were full of grass stains and small streaks of blood. As she sat in front of Alice, I could see a small speck of blood on the corner of her lips. I stared, transfixed on that drop, quite jealous that it gets the pleasure of sitting upon her lips while I have to keep myself away from her because to take advantage of the fact she doesn't remember and try to charm her into liking me... again, would be quite… ungentlemanly. Though I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I just walked towards her and licked the offensive speck from her otherwise perfect lips. As I began to get caught up in my would-be plan, I heard a loud growling and before I could even let her know it was just a passing thought, Alice was running towards me with fury written all over her face.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! We are going to pretend you weren't actually going to go through with that. I didn't even need to have a vision to know what you were thinking. I can hear Jasper smirking from here." I glared at the traitor and he shrugged.

Although I knew my siblings were more than upset with me, I could feel us getting back into our usual banter.

Bella looked at us from one to the other trying to figure out the exchange. A slow smile spread over her face as she saw Jasper trying to hide his obvious affection for Alice. She slinked her way to his side and whispered in his ear. "Hey, pretty boy," she cooed and Jasper's head shot up. I willed God to kill me before I couldn't restrain myself any longer. Alice giggled at my obvious discomfort. "Wanna fill me in on what tall, pale, and sexy was thinking about that got Alice all huffy and horny?"

_Earth, for all that is holy, open up and swallow me._ I silently begged Jasper with all that was in me to hide the fact that I wanted to do unnatural and heavenly things to her, but he was too busy doubling over in laughter at my expense. Bella was never so forward and I didn't know how to react to her sudden boldness. In any other instance, just the thought of Bella still wanting me after all of this would have made my heart soar, but since she didn't remember me, it almost felt tainted. I wanted to tell her, show her how much I regretted the decision I made to leave and to beg for her forgiveness. I didn't want to have this unfair advantage over her.

"Darlin', you don't wanna know the things that boy has probably had floating through his mind right about now, but I know that I want show Alice a few things I have in store for her." Jasper nuzzled the side of Alice's neck as she purred in contentment. I quieted a growl as Jasper sent a burst of love laced with lust his wife's way and Bella moaned catching the contact waves. _Fuck you, Jasper._

"Whoa, Alice, if he walks like he talks, where can I get one?" Alice sighed and melted into Jasper's side.

"He's like no other, Bella." She beamed up at him in way that made me wish for things I didn't deserve. "But, before I do things that are illegal out here, let's get to the house and get you cleaned up and we can talk some more there."

We walked through the clearing up to the house, Jasper and Alice intertwined and leading, and Bella beside me, looking around and taking in the scenery. A few times I would catch her looking my way, but just as quickly she would be staring at something else. I wished I could do something as simple as hold her hand. I wished she would say my name again. I wished too many things that I fucked up by leaving. Even if she hated me, I wished she could remember me. Then I remembered Alice's words that it wasn't about me, so I did the only thing I could do. I gave Bella her space so she could figure things out on her own without my interference.

**BPOV**

Edward grew uncomfortably formal with me all of a sudden. Instead of sidelong glances, he would look at me with a careful expression on his face. I couldn't quite make it out, but I felt like he was holding back. Not that I felt like I _should_ expect anything from this guy with the way he would freeze around me like I'm this pink elephant in the room.

I couldn't keep myself from looking at him though. Once, I started feeling my skin itch for him to touch me so I sped up and caught up with Alice and Jasper. We walked up to the huge, and now slightly damaged, door and Alice opened it.

"Welcome back home, Bella," Alice whispered as she ushered me in. I walked around the front room and instantly felt at ease. I shot a smile at Jasper, silently thanking him for making me feel at home. As I passed the staircase, I caught a glimpse of a huge kitchen so I made my way towards it. Beautiful, simple and spacious was all I could think about this kitchen and then it dawned on me.

"Why would you need a kitchen if you don't eat food?" I mused as I looked around to see they had all the necessities for a full functioning kitchen, coffee maker, toaster, and all. Alice and Jasper stood in front of the large window and turned towards me.

"_Hi Bella!" Alice ran towards me and gives me a kiss on the cheek._

I shook my head just to see Alice and Jasper still standing in the same spot as they were before. Alice was giving me a knowing look, but she didn't say anything. Jasper, on the other hand, gave me a puzzled look and started walking towards me. I took a step back, hoping to dodge him, but when I turned around, he was behind me. I blinked and noticed that I could see myself on the other side of him, only I looked scared and my eyes were brown, and I was standing on the far side of the room.

The Jasper that was interacting with the brown-eyed version of me seemed unaware that I was near him, so I backed up a few paces. As I watched the scene unfold in front me, I wondered if this was going to be an often occurrence because if so, I thought maybe I should be carrying a notebook with me or something.

I watched as Pretty Boy made careful movements around my former self. He looked as though he was hurting a bit. The brown-eyed version of me across the room was looking at him with the same kind of hurt on her face.

"_You're wrong, you know," __ he said quietly, his voice holding the same velvety quality that Edward's did, only with a southern twang to it._

_Brown-eyed me gasped and looked confused. She asked him, "What?" and he smiled a bit with his reply._

"_I can feel what you're feeling now - and you _are_ worth it."_

_"I'm not," she mumbled. "If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing." His smile grew a little wider as he looked at her with nothing but kindness reflected in his eyes._

"_You're wrong." He repeated once more._

I watched in awe of the trust that I apparently had in Jasper. As I waited for her reaction, the door opened up and in stepped Alice, arms outstretched.

"_May I?" Alice asked with quiet reassurance. Brown-eyed Bella smiled an unsure smile but walked towards her._

"_You're the first one to ask permission." _

I closed my eyes and when I opened them to see Alice and Jasper in front of me, mirrored faces of worry, I felt elated.

"You guys… were saving me from something. Pretty Boy, you said I was worth it." Alice let out a small gasp and Jasper chuckled.

"You still are, darlin'." I realized that these two must have been a big part of my life and I leapt onto both of them. I didn't have a clue what was going on, but at least I had people who cared about me who were there for me and helping me find my way.

"Bella, I'm thrilled you're starting to remember, but, ugh, hon, you're squishing me," Alice grumbled from under my arm so I let go of them, laughing along with them as they took a couple of uneasy steps back. "I'm so glad you remember me! Did you see anything else? Do you know why we were protecting you?" Alice continued, seeming a little nervous.

"No, I just saw you guys there and I know we were, well I don't know. I know it wasn't happening here and now. It was like it was something that happened in the past and… I don't know. It's weird. You guys were protecting me, but I don't know what from."

"Bella, we were there because…"

Edward cut her off. "I think she should regain her memories on her own, Alice. I really don't want her thinking about that as her first memory of us," he said from across the kitchen.

"What would you prefer her to remember, brother dear?" Alice asked with anger lacing her words.

"She should let her brain remember on its own, not strain herself. We don't need to fill it up with a bunch of… extra." He seemed uneasy as he started to pace the kitchen. I started to get nervous as I felt the tension pick up between Alice and Edward.

"You just don't want her to remember _certain_ things! Are we coming back to this again, Edward?" Alice started to pace as well but Jasper stood in front of her. He placed his forehead on hers, swaying back and forth a bit in their own little dance.

"Calm down, my Alice. She'll remember what she needs to and all in time. It's been a long couple of days and all of us need a moment to regroup. Let me help you unwind, sugar, and I promise, all this is gonna work itself out."

As I watched them, so entranced by each other, I started to get hypnotized, too. I almost missed when Edward took one pained look at me and slipped out of the kitchen.

_**AN Cont.: I know right? Ok so review and when you're done reading this shit go read these fics now. I mean now for real.**_

_**The Letter by ChangedbyEdward**_

_**Masquerades by LolaRose**_

_**La canzone della Bella Cigna by Philadelphic**_

_**Brotherly Devotion by GoldenTempress**_

_**Poughkeepsie by MrsTheKing**_

_**Mr. Horrible by algonquirnt**_

_**Sleepers, Awake Feisty Y. Beden **_

_**Forever My Love by LoinLambForever**_

_**Ok enough pimpage check my favs for more cuz we'll be here all day**_


	12. Wait Til I get you alone

_**AN: Alright people. The time has come. If you're under eighteen please mosey to the end of ch to catch notes. There are citrusy things going about here. I am earning my M**_

_**See you at the bottom bb's**_

_**On with the story.....  
**_

**APOV**

Jasper peppered kisses on my forehead and I felt like I was going to burst from the inside out. Everywhere he left a kiss, I felt a spark light my skin sending me into the most beautiful frenzy.

I leaned closer into him and the warming scent of magnolia trees in bloom clouded my senses, setting a delicious fire to every fiber within me and I purred in contentment. He brought his hands up to the sides of my neck and turned my face to his, catching my bottom lip between his teeth and sucking lightly. Just as I was losing myself in him, he pulled back a bit and chuckled at my hiss of annoyance.

"Slow down, sugar, we're entertaining, remember?"

I took a glance around and paused when I noticed Edward was standing at the doorway, pinching the bridge of his nose, his breath a bit ragged as though he were a human runner who had just finished a race. His eyes, although amber in the middle, had a thick line of black around the irises and were focused on the opposite side of the kitchen. Gathering from the expression on his face, I wasn't the only one in need. I followed his gaze and saw Bella on the other side of the kitchen, pebbles of granite hitting the floor where she was gripping the table. Her eyes, fixated upon Edward's, were swirling vermillion and black, and her breath was coming in short spurts. From what I knew of their relationship before he left, all that had happened between them was a few stolen kisses. Edward always worrying about losing control with her, but now, seeing as they were on even footing, I couldn't lie and say I wasn't interested in seeing what might transpire. Now she could most certainly take him on, in more ways than one.

"Darlin', I think little brother is getting annoyed with us," Jasper purred in my ear as he pressed himself against my back. The sheer thought of myself gliding along his cock sent shivers down my spine and a moan slipped from my lips.

I could hear the same pleasure-filled moan escape from Bella as she pushed herself away from the table and began to saunter towards Edward. She seemed almost like she was hunting, slowly breaking away at her prey's resolve until it had nothing to do but bend to her whim. As the last bit of red started turning to ebony in Bella's eyes, I heard a small growl from Edward and whatever gold was left in his began to disappear. She began circling him and then smirking as she looked him up and down. She bit down on her bottom lip and Edward moaned, fisting his hands into his pockets as if to tell them to behave.

As much fun as I was having seeing Edward suffer, I knew it wasn't fair to Bella, given the situation. Jasper, immediately sensing my worry, pulled me in a little tighter and then to my dismay, he sent a giggle through all of us with a small smile. Bella's bubbling laughter mixed with all of ours made it feel like home.

"Pretty boy, at least warn us before you go all primal on your wife. I almost lost it there for a minute. It's a wonder that Alice is still standing upright instead of riding that beautiful face of yours," Bella said coyly. If I didn't hear it myself, I never would have believed those words actually came out of Bella's mouth. Edward looked as if someone had just roundhouse kicked him in the jaw, and Jasper was laughing so hard he was using me to hold himself up.

"Uh, Jazz? Lean on over the other way, won't you? I'm short, but I'm not a countertop. Oh, Bella, I hope to all that is holy that you get your memory back, because that right there is going to make for some interesting times."

Edward shifted from side to side, a nervous gesture I had never seen from him. I heard him mutter, "Indeed," but ignored him when Bella spoke.

"Was it really so different, Alice? I mean, I feel like something is just so… off, like I should be remembering more, but, well, I don't really know how else to explain it other than I think I'm afraid of what I might remember."

I exchanged looks with Jasper knowing full well I couldn't be the catalyst to Bella's memory. She had to have that come back to her on its own time , and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't push her or she might never remember.

"Bella, I think…"

"Alice, I need to talk to you please. Right now." Edward appeared at my side and nudged me lightly, gesturing towards the great room. I obliged, albeit half-heartedly, since I was supposed to be angry with him, but the urgency he held in his eyes told me to follow.

When I returned, I found Jasper sweeping the granite dust and pieces off the floor, humming something soft and low as he bent over the mess. I watched him meticulously cleaning for a moment, stifling a giggle because he was so OCD and liked things neat all the time. I walked oh-so-slowly, hoping he wouldn't sense my anticipation…yet. I slipped my shoes off, and then decided the closer I got, the more I would take off. Jasper didn't even give me a chance to fulfill my plan as he rushed up in front of me, grabbing the hand I was using to slip off my shirt.

"You're cheating, darlin', and you've kept me waiting far too long to rush me now."

I remembered Bella and closed my eyes for a bit. I could see her walking along the backyard, just trying to make sense of things in her head. Edward was hidden, but keeping an eye on her.

"She'll be okay, a little pissed when she realizes he's been watching, but it'll be fine."

"Bella won't go past our property, she promised while you were talking to Edward. She just wants a little time to think. Everything is overwhelming her, but I know this is going to turn out good for her. Eventually, she'll remember it all and hopefully they can work through it together, because Edward's shame in himself is killing me. I'm upset with him, but I would never want him to feel like that. Well, not for long anyway." I nodded in understanding, but truth be told, now that I knew that Bella was alright outside with Edward, I had other things running through my mind.

I pushed off him a bit and took in the glorious sight of my husband. My man. Everything in me exploded, realizing how much I needed him, craved him. I just had to _touch._ I ripped through his button-down and as each little button clinked to the floor, I drank him in.

He stood there, bare and open for me and only me. His caramel eyes were haunting with so much depth and emotion behind them, a woman could lose her soul getting stripped down and drawn in by his gaze. Rebellious blond locks shielded his eyes a bit, just begging to have my fingers wrapped in them. His beautiful mouth curved into a heartbreaking smile, his bottom lip calling me closer, his jaw longing to have my tongue brush along it.

I stepped a little closer and ghosted over his broad shoulders, down his strong, taut arms, hands that were beyond strong, but I knew what his touch could bring. I took a moment to admire his delicious abs, ripped and defined muscles that teased me into wanting to lick along their contours, down the line of his hip to what lay beneath his low-slung jeans.

A taste was all I needed as I sunk down to my knees, pulling his jeans down with me. I was pleasantly surprised to see he was commando. Every woman in the world may think penises are funny looking, but my man's cock is spectacular, in every sense of the word.

I brought him to my mouth, licking the pearl of pre-cum off his head. The sweet taste of his fluids sent a shiver through my nervous system in anticipation of what his dick could do to me and I took him my mouth in earnest, letting his tip hit the back of my throat. I sucked slowly, letting my teeth graze along his shaft lightly, feeling myself get wetter with every moan elicited. Jasper fisted his hands in my hair bobbing my head up and down in a steady pace. When I looked up at him and could see the way his muscles flexed as he thrusted into my mouth, I almost came right there.

I made eye contact with him and in one swift move I found myself pinned between him and the already breaking table. Jasper began slipping off my shirt, looking at me the whole time as he left little pecks down my collar bone down towards my chest. When his tongue flicked against my nipple, it pebbled in satisfaction of his touch and my knees shook with expectancy as his hand trailed across my stomach, leaving goosebumps where his fingers danced across my skin.

There were no words to explain the way my body screamed for his touch and even if there were, I wouldn't speak them because they would fall flat, not being able to really convey how my heart yearns for his… everything.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. I…" I pressed my finger to his lips and shook my head.

"Now's not the time for 'I'm sorry's.' You. Me. Now. Forever."

His fingers played along the edge of my panties tracing slow circles along the fabric. My hips nudged closer instinctively, praying he would rip them away. He pulled on the seam a bit and started unraveling the fibers as he pressed his fingers against me. I watched as my underwear slowly became undone while Jasper wrapped the threads around and around his hand. Every tug left more exposed to him. I lay there, fascinated, watching him uncover me, stroking me up and down, flesh, then lace, flesh, then lace, flesh…

He slipped his finger inside me, slowly and lazily dipping in and out, circling my wetness around me. He pulled back a bit, admiring his handy-work, and brought his fingers to his mouth to taste me. A growl mixed moan rumbled through him as he brought his head down between my legs. As he licked up and down my clit, Jasper worked me with one hand and cupped my breast with the other. I gripped a fistful of his hair, tugging lightly to have him look up at me.

"I need you, Jasper, now, always." He lifted himself and laid his cock at my entrance, swirling the head around to coat himself with my wetness, and then oh-so–very-slowly-it-almost-drove-me-crazy, he pushed into me and my world went white.

Jasper grabbed my hips and watched himself as he drove into me, going painstakingly slow at first, then thrusting into me hard, using the table as leverage beneath him. With each stroke I felt myself building up like tiny fireworks going off little by little, waiting for the grand finale. I wrapped my legs around him, bringing him in deeper. I arched my back and started touching myself, running my hands up and down my body and playing with my clit as his pace became faster, less gentle and more demanding, asking that I give my all to him. I could feel myself getting closer and I pulled myself up to eye-level as he continued to bury himself in me. I placed my forehead against his and just inhaled him, gulping his scent as I came, my orgasm ripping through me as he cupped my ass and pulled me even closer, emptying himself in me.

No words needed to be said as we laid across the now fully decimated table. He ran his fingers through my hair while he was humming softly in my ear. My body felt completely at ease for the first time in weeks and my mind was quiet as I went through my post-coital buzz.

I thought of Bella alone in the woods with Edward. Had she remembered anything new? I was hoping to take some quality time away with her while hunting and hoped the boys wouldn't be too offended. I drew lazy circles around Jasper's stomach as I closed my eyes to take just a little glance into how my day would unfold.

_**whew I know! Ima needs me some cowboy in my life! Anyways..**_

_**A few rec's if you're waiting around for me **_

_**Age of Consent: My Summer as a Legal Intern by littlesecret84**_

_**In the Heat of the Night by Lillie Cullen and ChangedbyEdward**_

_**The Hills of Twilight a sweet ass colab w antiaol, tara sue me, ScarlettLetters, and Melissa228**_

_**Many many many many thanks to Lola Lillie and my fucktacular beta ChandbyEdward for dealing with my nervousness( annoying the shit outta them w questions ...) about this chapter and pretty much keeping me from saying fuck it **_

_**To all you guys who are still reading and waiting for me to hurry the hell up, thanks. You drive me **_

_**See you guys next chapter**_

_**M  
**_


	13. Coming Back

_**AN: hello there readers!!! So thanks to my fanfuckingtastic beta, ChangedbyEdward, cramming this in we have this chapter yay!!!! **_

_**And to my girls for WC'ing with me to light a fire under my ass**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own shit and flashbacks have Twilight and New Moon quotes again don't own them but hot damn do I wants...**_

_**on to the story...  
**_

EPOV

I watched her, and by watch I mean I was in the highest trees in the yard, overlooking the most bewitching creature I've ever had the pleasure to stalk…er- watch. I had, after all, promised Alice I would watch over her. I was hoping she wouldn't smell or hear me from my vantage point and I could see her just taking in the surroundings, touching little things here and there. I thought back to my earlier conversation with Alice and wondered how long it would be until Bella's memories started to come back to her. The thought made me more than a bit nervous.

"_Edward, explain to me why we can't have this conversation in the other room?" Alice huffed at me as I pulled her into the side room saved for Esme's baubles and extra furniture. _

"_I don't want to have this conversation in front of Bella, Mary Alice. Being the closest to me, I'd think you would understand where I'm coming from a bit more."_

"_I've been trying to do that and stop calling me by my full name! Edward, you shut me out and you lied to Bella. You left knowing full well what was going to happen, but rather than facing the reality, you just threw it in my face that my visions are 'subjective' and left anyway. How can I understand someone who keeps running away?"_

_I slumped down along the wall, raking my hands through my hair. She was right. I had shut her out knowing that if anyone could make me see the stupidity in the choice I was making, it would be Alice_

"_Alice, I fucked up. Big time. And my biggest fear is her remembering and never forgiving me. I know I'm being selfish, but she's my… damn it, I don't even have the words to explain what Bella is to me. I want her to remember everything, and I do mean everything, but at her own pace. I don't want to hurt her healing process by trying to push her too hard. And most of all, I want her to remember me. It kills me every time she has a memory of someone, but even though I was there, it's like her mind glosses over me and keeps me hidden."_

"_Well, maybe her mind is protecting her, Edward. Have you ever considered that? The night she died, she was running from you, or at least the memory of you. At the party, Angela played a mixed record and when a certain song came on, that's when she ran. I don't even know what song it was, but it must've reminded her of you and she was trying so hard to pretend you didn't exist. I don't even want to think of what possibly could've happened had I not stayed with her, and even that didn't save her. You have no idea how much I lost personally the night Bella lost her life, or how much she really lost. If her mind is protecting her and giving her peace, let it. When it's time, she'll remember. And this time, regardless of the outcome, I hope you'll at least stay. Whatever punishment she might have in store, you deserve, and then some. For now, I think Bella would like to take a walk. I would hate to think she'd be out there all alone."_

_Alice had a smirk on her face and that was one of the moments in which I wished that I couldn't read minds as images of Jasper and her floated through her head and assaulted my mind as well. Now feeling disgust at Alice, as well as guilt over the situation, I figured the best course of action would be to go outside and actually speak to Bella instead of stressing over it. _

"_Good. You two don't get into any trouble. Now shoo! I have…things that need my attention." With that, Alice turned on her heel and danced out of the room._

So there I was, sitting in a tree, watching over Bella, both fearing and hoping she would remember me. She walked along the edge of the creek humming to herself, picking up things here and there, and glancing around once in a while. I leaned a little farther out, so I could get a closer look, and in that moment, she glanced up and called me out in the sweetest voice.

"You make a shitty spy, Edward. Why don't you come down from there and be gentlemanly about keeping me company? Where are your manners, Mr. Cullen?"

I stared at her slack-jawed as I jumped down from the tree and went to her side. "Forgive me, Bella, I seem to forget myself around you. May I accompany you this evening?"

She flashed me a smile and nodded her head and I walked by her side in silence. We kept along the river, not straying too far from the house until Bella decided to have a seat on a fallen log. She stared out into the water and I suddenly hated that I couldn't read her mind. I waited, patiently, for her to break the silence as we watched fireflies danced along the surface of the water. She was very still and seemed to be concentrating on something.

After a few concerned glances her way, Bella finally turned her attention to me. My stomach did nervous flips as her nose wrinkled up while she looked at me.

"I would really like to know where you fit into all of this. Your presence both unnerves and comforts me and I feel little tinglys when you're around, as if my body is tuned to yours. Yet, you talk to Alice about me as if I wasn't in the room, you have your private mind conversations with Pretty Boy, and you go out of your way to both stay away from me_ and_ follow me around, so yeah, I really want to know why I can't remember you."

"I really don't know how to answer you, Bella. It's all so complicated and mixed up, and mostly my fault, and I really don't want to push you because you run the risk of losing all of your memories completely. We meant– mean-- a great deal to each other, but there's a lot that I need to explain to you and I feel that now is not the time. I would prefer to have this conversation at home, if it's alright with you." She let out an annoyed huff and stood up, brushing past me before I had a chance to gauge her aggravation with me, and started heading towards the house.

"Fine, we'll continue this in the house like you want, but I'll decide if what you have to say is too much for me to handle."

"I didn't mean it that way, Bella."

"Whatever. I want to go in now." She continued her brisk pace towards the house and I had to jog a bit to catch up to her. I had little time to think how I was going explain this to her. The lying, the running away. Leaving her as if she meant nothing… and the hardest part was going to be explaining how my actions were supposed to be to protect her, let her have a normal life. What's worse is that those actions led to this, and it's my fault she would be unable to have that now. She would either listen or tear me apart, or both, and I feared the latter.

**BPOV**

I wondered if he was always this self- assured and controlling. The nerve of him deciding when it would be okay to tell me the truth, as if at some point it wouldn't come out anyway. I just wanted to get back to the house as quickly as possible and get it over with so I could start putting the puzzle pieces of my mind back together. I knew he was trying to catch up with me, but I seemed to be moving just a touch faster than him, and knowing that he was trailing behind me made move just a bit faster than I normally would have. Just saying.

As the back of the house came into view, faint whispers and moans started becoming clearer, making me stop dead in my tracks. I turned and saw Edward, who was now right behind me, wrinkling his nose in the direction of his home.

"Wonderful. I hoped they'd be done by now." He shook his head and I took a few steps away from him.

"Only someone wound up as tight as you are would be disgusted by the sounds of people making love," I spat at him. I turned around and starting making my way to the front of the house, but as I walked, something about the woods made me uneasy, so I picked up my pace a little bit, almost to a light jog. When the front of the house started coming into view, it was as though something gripped me and struck me with fear. This moment of running towards the house almost seemed too familiar, but not in a good way. I stopped so suddenly that Edward had to swerve to avoid running into me.

"What's wrong? Should we hunt before going back?"

"No. No, it's just… Is there any way to get in without going through the front door? I just… I don't want to go through there right now."

He thought to himself for a second and then sort of sighed. "We could jump in through my bedroom window, but we have to walk back to where we were to do it."

"Fine, let's get out of here. This is weirding me out." We went right back to where we had started and I saw a huge window quite high on the side of the house. Assuming it was his room by the way he was hesitating to jump up, I took the initiative and went before him. As soon as my feet landed on his carpet, the world slipped from under me and when I opened my eyes, I saw a very human me in a very intimate embrace with someone. And when she let go, I was left staring at the same man I've been trying to remember.

_Human Bella was laughing and Edward had a faint smile on his lips. He was a lot more attractive smiling then he was scowling like he is every time I saw him now._

"_I really hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." _

"_Pfft, yeah right," I thought to myself as Edward looked at her in disbelief and then a wicked smile flashed across his face._

"_You really shouldn't have said that," he said as he chuckled, then suddenly he was growling, his lips curled back over his perfect teeth. He was half-crouched, tensed like a lion ready to pounce. Human Bella was backing away from him and I couldn't help but chuckle as I saw the amusement playing on Edward's face. _

"_Why haven't I had the pleasure of meeting this Edward yet? What went so wrong that he is so guarded and nervous around me?" I thought as I watched the scene before me continue to unfold._

"_You wouldn't," human Bella said just before Edward leapt and they both crashed into the sofa, sending it sailing into the wall. All the while he formed a mini cage around her with his arms , protecting her from getting hurt. Gasping, human Bella tried to get up, but Edward didn't seem to be quite done playing. He pulled her into a ball against his chest and held her tightly in place. She glared at him again and he looked back at her with nothing but humor shining brightly in his eyes, and a silly grin to boot._

"_You were saying?" he growled playfully. _

"_That you are a very, very, terrifying monster," she said sarcastically. Although, her sarcasm was marred a bit by her breathless voice._

"_Much better," Edward said as he pulled her closer. _

I wanted to cry at the sweet scene in front of me, but nothing came out other than choked sobs. Why had I not remembered this? Why were we not acting like this now? I didn't want to see any more. I didn't want to be teased with this. I wanted to know what had happened between us and why he felt like my death was his fault. I closed my eyes and willed myself awake from the vision, my chest aching with longing and my mind riddled with questions.

I opened my eyes to see I was now laying on Edward's floor with Alice, Jasper and Edward hovering over me.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I just had a…vision. Congratulations, Edward, I semi-remember you. But we need to talk. Right now." Alice looked over at Edward, worry written on her face. Edward shook his head and looked back my way.

"It's okay, Alice. She has the right to know and ask whatever questions she wants. I won't lie to her anymore."

"Anymore? What the hell does that mean?" Edward hung his head, looked at Alice, and nodded.

"He made a mistake with you, Bella. It's not my place to explain for him, but I do ask that you listen to what he has to say and maybe it'll help you remember what led us here."

I stared between the both of them. I wanted to remember, but this uneasy feeling crept over me at what Edward said. "_I won't lie to her anymore."_

What would merit him lying to me? What piece was I missing that held the rest of my memory? I walked to Edward's side and took his hand, willing myself into a vision to show me what I was missing. I may have gotten more than I bargained for.

_There were woods around me. It smelled like wet dirt, and rain, and… sadness? I looked a bit further and could see two silhouettes in the distance, and immediately the icy cold feeling of fear ran through my body._

_I moved a bit closer, careful that I stayed out of view, watching the couple as they spoke._

"_Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he said to her with fire in his eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" She responded with a weak nod of her head. His eyes cooled over, ice now replacing the fire. "I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself- for him."_

The memories started to crash over me then. Edward left. Alice stayed. We had a party. Rhapsody in Blue started. I ran, from everything. Charlie. Oh my God, Charlie! He found me trying to forget. He's gone. The accident. Alice. Fire. Rain. Searing pain. I stifled a sob as they continued their conversation.

"_And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

I sucked in a breath, remembering how my world had shifted in that moment. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself back to the present.

I was still holding Edward's hand and Alice had seated herself across from us. I wrenched my hand free from Edward's as I started to walk towards the doorway.

"Bella, where are you going?" Edward asked, ready to follow me out the door. I shook my head. I wanted nothing but to forget and he had even lied about that.

I rounded on him and raged, "You told me it would be as if you never existed! I lost my life because I was so busy running from _you._ I almost lost every memory of my human life that night and I would do it all over again just so I wouldn't know what I know now. Just so I wouldn't have to relive it and feel like my world is falling apart…again! You took _everything_ from me!" I turned and stormed out of the room, trying, yet again, to run from Edward.


	14. Sneaking Some Alone Time

_**AN: HOLY UPDATE BATMAN!!!! I know guys it's been a minute but I'm having pc issues up the wazoo so mucho perdones for this ridiculous break between updates. I love my Beta ChangedbyEdward for being awesome and not killing me during this break. Amy I loves you, you know this maaaan! And to all the new readers and old thanks for hanging around!! Okay guys that's enough rambling On to the story.... **_

**BPOV**

I was furious, devastated, and fucking relieved all at the same time. Now that my memories were coming back to me, it was like a movie playing in my mind. Over and over again I could see the night of my accident. I didn't even get to say I love you back to Charlie. The fury that burned within me was enough to leave ashes behind me as I flew through the forest. I could never shed the tears that I felt prick my eyes, I could never say goodbye to Angela, someone who over the past couple of months had become as important to me as Alice. I was stuck in this state of anger and hurt and I had no release. A scream ripped through me so loud it vibrated through the trees, effectively leaving me all alone as I could hear critters scuttle away. _That's right you run away now, I'm the reason they leave the cat indoors at night._

I threw myself down upon the earth and just…nothing. I didn't think, I didn't feel, I just shut down. I let the sounds of the forest lull me into a pseudo sleep, where I let the events of the past few weeks play through my mind. _Oh__,__ my Lord__,__ I called Jasper __'__Pretty boy.__'_ A wave of embarrassment rolled over me and I'm sure if I could've blushe-d, I'd have been flaming red. I shared something truly special with Alice and I couldn't wait to explore the quirky talent I'd picked up, and then that brought me back to Edward.

I ached for him and as sure as I was hurting, I knew he was, too, but I couldn't help the anger that ran through me just thinking about how hard I tried to forget him and he still managed to be what drove me away that night. I missed my father and Angela and even though this was what I wanted, it wasn't at this cost. And though it hurt to acknowledge this as it was, I couldn't even waste my time wishing it could be different, because it can't. I was where I was and all I could do was to deal with what was in front of me.

I said a silent prayer for my father, letting him know I would always be his girl, and again part of me broke knowing he was no longer with me. I sent a wish out to Angela, hoping sub-consciously she'd know I was okay and that she was in fact, a bad ass chick. And I sent out a prayer for me, hoping I could get myself through this and that everything would be okay. But we all know it's not always that easy to make everything better.

The screwed up part was that I wanted him. How I wanted him. I could feel his eyes look at me and in return, I drank him in. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and watch as the reds mingled with the brown strands and tug it ever so gently as I came saying his name.

_Dear __L__ord__,__ I've turned into a pervert. This is all Alice's fault, the horn-dog. _

I laid there fighting with myself for… well… really I didn't know how long, but I knew I'd soon have to go back home before they sent out a search party. That and I knew I shouldn't hunt alone, so I sucked it up, brushed myself off, turned myself away from the little comfort I got from the night and started my walk towards the house.

I wondered what I would say to Edward, if I was even going to say anything at all. And if I chose to, would I actually listen to what his explanation would be? I wanted to climb into a cocoon and emerge after the whole newborn phase was over, so I didn't have to have a baby-sitter, and just start a new life somewhere else. I guessed that even though Edward and I weren't technically a couple, I could still adopt the Cullen name. I looked enough like Alice that we could pass for sisters.

I let my thoughts roam around my head and realized I was getting close to the house when I heard arguing. As soon as Alice stopped shrieking and I heard the muttered curses, I knew the argument was about me.

_Way to be the elephant in the room__, Bells__._

I swallowed against the burn in my throat, making my way into the house and straight into the guest room. I threw myself on the bed in a huff, shutting my eyes and throwing a pillow over my head, trying to find my train of thought in the tangles of my mind. I felt a light little thud next to me and when I felt the weight of the pillow lift from my face, I gave the intruder a scowl.

"Can't a girl deal with her own death in peace?"

"Hmm, no I dont think I could let you just lay here and mope on your own. Besides, we have some planning to do and it involves searching for new digs, so I want you to wash the outside of yourself off and come join me in my bedroom so I can brush your hair and do all the things best friends are supposed to do when the other is upset and hurt."

I rolled onto my side and glanced at her sideways. "Would you help me hide the body?"

Alice flashed me a toothy smile. "I'd have the catsuits ready and a get-away car warming up."

I threw the pillow in Alice's face and rolled off the bed towards the bathroom. As I stretched myself out and risked a glance towards the door, sure as day Edward was standing across from the door leaning on the wall. Feeling spiteful and a little brave, I let the the straps of my tank slide off my shoulder and unbuttoned my shorts. Edward started breathing a bit harder and with the last little bit of courage I had mustered up, I let the shorts fall to my feet then slipped the tank top off and threw it across the room, watching it flutter down to within a few inches from his foot. Before I had a chance to gauge his reaction, I flashed into the bathroom and flung the door, maybe a little too hard, and jumped into the overly sized bathtub.

I waited a few beats just to see if he'd actually ignore the door and burst into the bathroom, but nothing happened. I flipped the water on and let the beat of the water drum against my head and as the room filled with fog, I let my mind wander again.

_**Alright guys! Hope this gives you a little hit for our vices!!! I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I can! Follow me on Twitter MilitzaG**_

_**M~  
**_


	15. Trying

_**AN: OOh snap It's Militza finally!!! So muchas gracias to all the new readers and old still following this story ya'll mean the world to me.**_

_**A great big hell yes to my fucktacular beta ChangedbyEdward for getting me and pretting up my chapters for me because believe me Mil-glish is hard to understand! To all my WC buddies ya'll are bomb. To the Tri-fecta T & S thanks for reading this even if you have no idea wtf is going on! aaand enough with my babbling let's get on with the story! Oh wait for those of you who like a little music with your reading , the song Edward is playing is Breathe Me by Sia. Look it up I promise you won't be disappointed!  
**_

**EPOV**

_Esme is going to kill us when she gets back to the house._ I tried to smooth out the gashes in the wall from where I dug my hands in to prevent myself from attacking Bella, but all it did was splinter the wall more so I made a mental note to make a few phone calls later in the day to repair the damages we caused.

_I can't believe she did that._ I could still see her clearly in my mind, all alabaster and rose, curves that I would love to explore and...

I shook my head and got a hold of myself. This wasn't the time for thoughts like this. I stood there and questioned myself a few times on whether or not I should just go in the bathroom, but I figured it wouldn't be such a good idea seeing as I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't try to mount her. I could hear murmurs and giggles from Alice's room, so I decided against trying to distract myself by talking to my siblings, instead I walked by the bedrooms and back downstairs to the living room. My piano was thankfully still there and I ran my hand along the top, debating whether or not I should take a seat.

"Would you mind? It's been a long time since you've touched it." I snapped my head up to see Bella standing in the doorway, smelling like sweetness and hurt. It made me want to wrap in her my arms and kiss her until it didn't hurt anymore. She stared back at me as she took a few steps forward, looking at me from under her lashes. I took a couple of steps back to give myself a moment to gather my thoughts. She stopped walking and just stood there, as if waiting for permission to keep coming towards me.

"You don't need to stay away, Bella. I won't hurt you." She shook her head and snorted a little bit.

"I'd like to call shenanigans on that one, Edward. And for the record, you were the one who decided to go away." She stared me down a couple of seconds longer and then she took a seat herself at the piano.

"I miss the way I felt listening to you play. I missed the way the notes wrapped around me and I cut it out of my life while you were gone, because it broke my heart to hear music that wasn't yours reminding me of you and how you didn't want me in your life anymore. So I cut music out, hoping it would cut you out, too."

I didn't know how I was supposed to respond to her statement. I had underestimated how much my leaving had affected her. I thought about what would have happened had Alice not stayed behind, and even worse what could've happened had she not gotten to Bella in time after the accident. I debated whether or not I should take a seat beside her, and then I was pulled out of my thoughts by a soft sigh.

"Always with the thinking. Just sit down would you?" I sat down quickly, staring at her and wondering what to do now since apparently, I'd turned too weak to even deal with my own mistakes. Everything had changed so quickly and I was sick and tired of making excuses for myself. I fucked up and now I was gonna have to pull my britches tight and man up. I let my fingers ghost across the keys, pausing a few times to steal a glance at her. She sat with her eyes closed, swaying back and forth, waiting for the music to start. I closed my eyes and just let my fingers do the work, letting a slow melody begin as I fought with letting myself go or not.

She gave me all of her and asked for nothing in return but for me to love her. And I, in return, doubted how strong and true that could be because she was human and I saw her as delicate, like I needed to protect her, and now we were both cut so deep and the only person I could blame was myself. I let the melody get stronger, deeper, pouring into my hands everything I had fucked up in the past few months. I poured the 'I'm sorry' I was too ashamed to say into the music and I played how much I missed her, and more than that, loved her. I played how much I knew I couldn't change what happened, but I'd spend however many lifetimes it took to make sure she knew I would never doubt us again. I took the coward's way out, giving her my music instead of my words, but if she could feel it before I said it, maybe she would be more inclined to believe me.

I kept playing, letting more of the shit I let mount up between us be laid bare before us, pushing myself more into the melody so that it whirled around us. I wanted Bella to feel only this, only us, the rest of the world forgotten, if only for a moment while I tried to lift us from this abysmal time and wrap us in light. As I played, I could hear Bella's breathing pick up and I held on to those tiny breaths like a dying mans last sip of water, hoping that this was a sign I was breaking the wall between us. As I came towards the last notes of the song, I moved closer, closing the bit of space left on the piano bench between us and when the song was done I closed the lid and turned to her, losing myself in the crimson and gold swirling in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I know that no matter how many times I say it, it won't fix this, but I'm sorry." I could see the hurt well in her eyes as tears that would never fall, and my heart broke once more for what this ordeal had cost her. I wanted to so badly to just tuck her hair behind her ear and lay my forehead against hers. I had no thoughts of anything behind this action, just the comfort of comforting each other, but my mind moved faster than I did and my mouth forgot to change directions in my brain before it decided to go on and kiss her. Once my lips touched hers, the whole world was forgotten as everything around me became Bella and only Bella. Every scent… taste… touch… was made of her, and I never wanted to feel anything else in the world. I pulled her closer to me and almost sang Hallelujah when her arms snaked up around my neck. I could feel her melt into me as my lips danced on hers. All I ever needed or could want was enveloped in this woman, and even if it took moving mountains to have her, hand to God, I'd never let her go.

"I could live the rest of my existence wrapped in you."

"Then why did you try so hard to free yourself then?"

I breathed her in and let out a sigh.

"Because I'm fucking stupid, Isabella. I want so badly to do the right things that I sometimes blinded myself from being unbiased about the situation. And in this case, I was so intent on keeping you safe that I put you in more jeopardy than if I had just been honest with you about the fears I had about our relationship. I didn't take into account how you felt, how you would feel once the choice I made had been decided, and I acted without giving myself or you other options. I even put my family in an awkward situation, and even more so when they came home and saw the chain of events that had unfolded because of this."

Bella let her head rest on my shoulder and once again I wrapped my arms around her, feeling all warm inside from the pleasure in the moment.

"I'm still mad at you, you know." I heard a muffled and annoyed voice coming from my chest.

"As well you should be, love. I've wronged you in many ways, but I intend to try my best to try and prove-"

"Enough with the promises, Edward. Let's just promise to try."

"We're compromising, that's trying."

"See? We can do this." I chuckled at Bella's plan, wondering how long it would be until we disagreed on something and then I heard Bella let out a small laugh of her own.

"And I'm serious. You're totally not getting into my pants anytime soon. I just forgot myself looking at how pretty you are." I tucked her tighter into me, finally relieved I was able to hold her again.

I heard Alice's whispers through the hall and knew that soon she was going to usher Bella into her fortress and do all sorts of heinous things to her she didn't need. And then the most delicious plan hit me. I jumped off the piano bench, Bella in arm, and ran full speed right through the already broken doorway. As Bella's giggles rang through the night, I could faintly hear my sister's shriek, as the surprise of my random decision making really messed up her visions.

"Where are we going, Edward?"

"Haven't figured that part out yet, love. I'm kinda working on the fly here. I don't want to keep any one place in mind because then Alice will figure out what I'm up to. And there she is." My phone vibrated over and over again in my pocket and Bella wiggled around trying to reach it. I kept running, making little twists and turns, trying to gain my bearings around me. I figured if I ran far enough, Alice would take the hint and let me have some time to try to fix this, even if it was only for a little while. I would call her whenever I got to where I was going and she knew at least that, so I'd worry about her wrath later. Then it hit me. And damn it! I knew it would hit Alice, too, so I picked up speed and pushed myself even faster. I could still feel the fury of my phone vibrating and I reached down and pulled it out, surprised it hadn't self-destructed with the amount of incoming calls. I flipped it open and hit the speaker button.

"EDWARD! HAND TO GOD I AM GOING TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!!! NO! I'M NOT CALMING DOWN JAS-" I heard wrestling over the phone and I decided it would be more comfortable listening to my sister's screeching if I wasnt trying to watch where I was going, so I slowed down and pulled Bella into my lap as I took a seat on a fallen log.

"Edward, man you gotta understand. Alice isn't comfortable with you just disappearing with Bella and actively trying to lead her on a mental goose chase." Jasper's calm voice was over-ridden by Alice's screeching.

"_Tell him I'm going to turn his piano into chopsticks for Rosalie's hair if he doesn't stop this nonsense! I can't believe he would just leave with a newborn!"_

"What is she, three? I can do this, Jas. Tell her to calm down. I just want some time to be alone with Bella. I'm not trying to steal her away. I mean, I could, I doubt she'd protest, but I'll be back, she knows that. Aren't you Southerners supposed to be laid back? Tell her to go hunt with you, I'm actually getting a little famished myself and I'm sure Bella could use a meal. I'm letting you go, Jasper. Keep your woman in check."

I hung up the phone chuckling as I knew my comment would send Alice into fits and seizures, but I couldn't help myself. I heard the, "Oh, hell no!" as I flipped the phone shut and put it away. Bella stood up shaking her head with a huge smile on her face.

"I couldn't stop myself, love. I feel ridiculously mischievous when I'm with you."

"Hmm, that could get us into all sorts of fun, you know."

"Oh, I know." I leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose and caught the aroma of something wafting through the air.

"First one to find it gets the kill, love." She leaned in and pulled me close into a soft and languid kiss.

"Eat my dust, babe." She took off flying, her hair whipping behind her and it left me stuck.

_Why did I ever try to leave her? This time I'm going to catch her and I'm not letting go until Cullen is her last name. _


End file.
